Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Bianca Knows Best ... and Helps a Friend of a Friend

Posted By on Tue, Sep 22, 2009 at 12:47 PM

Dear Bianca,

My best friend's boyfriend left town over the weekend to visit his family. When he returned to Memphis, he didn't call her at all. She called and called him, and when he finally answered, he admitted that he'd run into his ex-girlfriend while he was away.

He said he spent some time hanging out with the ex, and now he thinks he's falling for her again. But he also thinks he's still in love with my friend. He doesn't want to break things off yet because he isn't sure what he wants to do. Now she's waiting for him to choose.

What should she do? Should she break things off first? Or give him a chance to make up his mind?

— Worried Best Bud

Dear Worried,

It's awfully nice of you to stress over your friend's problems. As her best friend, you have a responsibility to be supportive, no matter which route she chooses. Don't push her into a decision. She could blame you later if she feels like you helped her make the wrong choice.

That said, it wouldn't be a bad idea to help her weigh the options. After all, at least the guy is trying to sort out his feelings first, rather than immediately re-hooking-up with his ex. And it's commendable that he admitted to spending time with his ex. Many guys would have conveniently left that part out of the weekend recap.

If your friend waits for a week or so to give the boyfriend some time, he may realize that he loves her more and ditch his ex for good. But if he reaches that decision, she'll need some kind of assurance that he's done with the ex. No more hometown visits for him without his girlriend for a while.

But your friend shouldn't wait around too long. If the guy hasn't made up his mind in a few days, she should dump him and move on. Have a "girl's night out" plan in place to see her through the initial part of her break-up.

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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