Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Bianca Knows Best ... and helps a guy sort out his sexuality

Posted By on Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Dear Bianca,

I am having a conflict over my sexuality. I like girls … make that, love girls. But lately I’ve felt an urge to be with a guy. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy. I just want to experience the physical part of it.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend, so I guess I’m on the market again. But I’m not sure I want to jump into another relationship. I think I may want to explore these other aspects of my sexuality. I’ve never been with a guy.

However, I grew up in a very conservative household and community. As a kid, I fought off my feelings toward other boys because my friends or family wouldn’t have accepted that. Now I’m in my 30s and still fighting that. Should I follow my instincts? And if so, how do I break that to my very straight friends and family?

— Confused

Dear Confused,

It sounds like you’re bisexual, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Many straight and gay folks often try very hard to box people into certain sexuality — you either like men or you like women. But there are true bisexuals out there, who are equally attracted to both sexes. You may one of them.

For bisexuals, the notion of sexuality is fluid. You might be more physically attracted to one sex, but more willing to settle down with another. Or you may prefer women in one phase of your life, men in another, and than back to women.

Embrace your sexuality. You want to experiment with men now, so go for it. If you’ve been repressing this part of yourself for 30 years, it’s high time you did something about it. Not to mention that you’re newly single, which is probably the best time for sowing those wild oats. Just be safe about it. Condoms are your friends. Y

As for your concerns about friends and family, I’d suggest talking to a few open-minded friends first. Save the closed-minded ones for later. If you’re simply experimenting at this stage, there’s really no need to blab about it to too many folks. If you do end up forming a relationship with a guy, that’s when you should worry about coming out of the bisexual closet.

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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