Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Bianca Knows Best ...
and Helps a Guy Move On
Posted by Bianca Phillips on Tue, Mar 16, 2010 at 1:05 PM
Dear Bianca,
I broke up with my girlfriend of a couple years a few months ago. We’d grown apart and both seemed interested in moving in a new direction. But the sexual attraction is still there. So after a month of being apart, we started sleeping together again.
She’s told me she’s only sticking around for the sex, and I’m certainly not interested in getting back together. But I’m beginning to think she’s actually not really over me. We were both at a house party last weekend (not together, but we still have the same mutual friends). I was a little drunk, so I made out with some random girl that I’d just met. My ex witnessed the act and freaked the hell out. She threw a beer at me and left the party.
Does this act mean she isn’t really over me? Is the sex thing making this worse? Should I stop sleeping with her? I’d rather not since I’m not getting it anywhere else right now.
— Confused Ex
Dear Confused,
I’ve never understood why people continue to sleep with their exes. I understand that you may not have another source for sex right now, but will it really kill you to be celibate for a while? Besides, if you’re making out with strangers at parties, I’m sure getting laid with someone other than your ex won’t that hard to do. Although your ex says she’s over you, her behavior at the party tells another story. Continuing to sleep with you is probably her desperate attempt to hang on to the relationship.
Here’s the thing: you and the ex started sleeping together one month after the break-up. That’s hardly enough time to move on, even if both parties are convinced they’re over one another. I recommend a blackout period of two to three months before former partners even speak to one another. After both have truly moved on, they can be friends. But sleeping with exes is always, always, always a bad idea. So, stop sleeping with your ex, and avoid social interaction with her for at least a month or so.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
Comments (11)
Showing 1-11 of 11
" Is the sex thing making this worse?" If you have to ask, the answer is yes. A month or two of Internet porn won't kill you.
like
dislike
I happened to be at this party. And as always, there is another side to the story. Ex was mad, for sure. But not because "confused" hooked up with a "another girl". But the "other girl" had been hooking up with "Ex" for over two months. "Confused" just got in the way of the beer. You see, "other girl" and "ex" had been having trouble with a racist mother-in-law and they were fighting over it, along with planning to come out of the closet. They were having a lot of stress. That wasn't helped by "Ex" taking ambien and then booty calling "confused". "other girl" knew about this and was trying to make a point by hooking up with "confused". I hope this clears it all up.
It is such a shame that sexual activity doesn't go hand-in-hand with intellectual maturity. What ever happened to don't do the act if you're not prepared to handle the consequences? It might take a teeny-weeny bit of thought between impulse and action, but to quote John Stuart Mill: "He who lets the world, or his own portion of it, choose his plan of life for him, has no need of any other faculty than the ape-like one of imitation. He who chooses his plan for himself, employs all his faculties. He must use observation to see, reasoning and judgment to foresee, activity to gather materials for decision, discrimination to decide, and when he has decided, firmness and self-control to hold to his deliberate decision"
Time to evolve, dude.
Yes, I know when I see a great rack, I immediately start thinking about John Stuart Mill.....
I was at that party too, Zip, and I can vouch for everything you say. But you left out the Levitra-spiked Fresca and rental donkeys.
Things like this are bound to happen when you're morally bankrupt and have no sense of right and wrong. Good luck having a sound, productive life. You'll need it.
Lighten up folks, we were all young once....show me someone who never did something stupid in pursuit of hot sex and that's not somebody I'd want to be compared to.
Think Packrat just totally made my point of "apes" not being able to think past their own hormones to logically determine the most beneficial course of action....
Whatever. I've been faithful and married to the same woman for 19 years so put that in your tree and swing from it. No fun hanging with blue-nosed prigs who've led perfect lives.
Until she threw the beer I was hearing porn music an envsioning a threesome. What a waste of a beer.
THIS WEEK'S ISSUE
SPECIAL ISSUES
