I broke up with my girlfriend of a couple years a few months ago. We’d grown apart and both seemed interested in moving in a new direction. But the sexual attraction is still there. So after a month of being apart, we started sleeping together again.
She’s told me she’s only sticking around for the sex, and I’m certainly not interested in getting back together. But I’m beginning to think she’s actually not really over me. We were both at a house party last weekend (not together, but we still have the same mutual friends). I was a little drunk, so I made out with some random girl that I’d just met. My ex witnessed the act and freaked the hell out. She threw a beer at me and left the party.
Does this act mean she isn’t really over me? Is the sex thing making this worse? Should I stop sleeping with her? I’d rather not since I’m not getting it anywhere else right now.
— Confused Ex
I’ve never understood why people continue to sleep with their exes. I understand that you may not have another source for sex right now, but will it really kill you to be celibate for a while? Besides, if you’re making out with strangers at parties, I’m sure getting laid with someone other than your ex won’t that hard to do. Although your ex says she’s over you, her behavior at the party tells another story. Continuing to sleep with you is probably her desperate attempt to hang on to the relationship.
Here’s the thing: you and the ex started sleeping together one month after the break-up. That’s hardly enough time to move on, even if both parties are convinced they’re over one another. I recommend a blackout period of two to three months before former partners even speak to one another. After both have truly moved on, they can be friends. But sleeping with exes is always, always, always a bad idea. So, stop sleeping with your ex, and avoid social interaction with her for at least a month or so.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at firstname.lastname@example.org.