Thursday, September 19, 2013

"Local Means Local," Local Locavores Say

Posted By on Thu, Sep 19, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Where the hell is Ripley?
  • Where the hell is Ripley?
Midtown— A group of staunch locavores have started a boycott of the Cooper-Young Farmers Market due to a recent discovery that some of the “local” produce not only originates from outside Midtown, it also comes from outside the Memphis City Limit, Shelby County, and beyond.

“We’ve been tricked this whole time thinking we’re eating true local produce,” says Goldie Locke, a 54-year-old Midtown resident and regular farmers market patron. “When they said the tomatoes I've been buying came from Fayette County, I almost threw up right then and there.”

The issue has lead to a new movement from Midtown consumers demanding a specialized “38104 label” be applied to produce and foods that have originated from the area.

“My husband and I were eating a steak we thought was locally grown," Locke continued. "And I asked if he'd ever even seen a cow in our part of town.

"That’s what got us wondering,” she said with a trembling voice as a group of vegan onlookers grimaced behind her.

A representative of the farmers market, who wished to remain anonymous, went on record saying it is difficult to keep track of a product's origin. "We did have a '901' label a few years ago that was successful but then The Southaven Squash Scandal of 2011 kinda ruined that."

Farmer and life-long Midtowner, Moe Santo, likes the idea of local labeling. "We're always having to chase off these rascals from Mississippi, Arkansas, and those fancy-pants Eastern-ers. Go sell your got-dang melons at the truck stop and leave us alone!" Mr. Santo then grabbed a rake and shoo-ed away an SUV with a Germantown Red Devils bumper sticker on it that was attempting to pull into the parking lot.

As of this report, the only “38104 label" approved items for sale at the farmers market were a one pound bag of okra, a small bundle of catnip, and 3000 handmade candles.

Edward Valibus is a distinguished archduke of Lithuania currently residing in Memphis, TN. He spends his days frittering away his wealth making independent cinema with his production team Corduroy Wednesday. He holds the current world record for eating the most pudding cups in one hour and is a special contributor to Fly on the Wall

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