Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A Mystery at the Memphis Flyer: Who left the Memphis Press-Scimitar box at our office?

Posted By on Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 11:06 AM

Someone left a gift for the Memphis Flyer: A perfectly preserved Memphis Press-Scimitar distribution box.

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On one hand, the box, which still displays a copy of the Scimitar's final issue dated Oct. 31, 1983, is an extremely nifty artifact. Then again, a time-traveling newspaper death announcement from a Halloween 30 years passed is also somewhat ominous.

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It wasn't rigged with a bomb and no tiny Commercial Appeal employees were hidden inside so we brought it in. It's a fun mystery, and it looks good in the Flyer's sales department. It would sure be nice to know where it came from though.

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If you'd like a better look at the MP-S's last hurrah have a peek below the fold.

Continue reading »

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Tennessee Considers Daring "Guns For Guns" Plan

Posted By on Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 1:12 PM

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Law enforcement agencies across Tennessee may soon participate in a "Guns For Guns" program, whereby citizens can turn in guns and receive different guns.

"This initiative accomplishes two things," said Tennessee State Representative Melvin Plunck (R) of East Tennessee. "We get potentially dangerous guns off the streets, while not depriving citizens of their Second Amendment rights. It's what they call a 'win-win'."

Details need to be worked out for the plan, but Plunck hopes that local law enforcement keep the trade-in simple.

"Look, we can get into all kinds of arguments as to whether or not I should be able to take one type of handgun if I trade in another," Plunck said. "But if we're serious about getting the worst weapons off the street does it really matter if I grab a .45 after dropping off a .38?"

Plunck then hurriedly pointed out that he does not own a .38, which he described as being a "silly little gun."

Ultimately, Plunck believes organizers will simply toss a bunch of guns on a table and let God sort it out.

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to Fly on the Wall, and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Jason Miles on a Birthday Cake

Posted By on Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 10:47 AM

Jason under a car
  • Jason under a car
Fly on the Wall loves WMC-TV 5 news reporter Jason Miles.

It's true.

We love his over-the-top tweets, the fact that he chest bumped a Memphis cop because the officer asked him to move the news van, and most of all we love the Twitter profile photo that once depicted the dogged newsman crawling under a car to get his story. More than any of that even, we love a blog post from I Heart Memphis featuring a birthday cake that memorializes Miles’ courageous car-crawl in delicious icing.

Lucky birthday girl Kate Midgley relates this story: “When my husband went to pick up the cake, the bakery lady asked ‘is that the cake with the movie star on it?” Yes, Kroger bakery lady, yes it is.

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A link notes Miles' arrest for chest-bumping the above-mentioned cop. All charges were subsequently dropped.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Buzzfly: 11 Signs That You’re a Radioactive Hyper-Tarantula from Memphis

Posted By on Tue, Jan 14, 2014 at 1:52 PM

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1.You’re tired of hearing about Bass Pro Shops taking over the Pyramid, because it would be the perfect place for you to raise your thousands of hatchlings.

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2. Out-of-towners are always asking you why you don’t have an accent while you drain them of bodily fluids.

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3. You think the lanes on Poplar are too narrow to chase humans and other large prey.

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4.You practically live at Central BBQ. Also in the fever dreams of frightened children everywhere.

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5. You think it’s cute when people from Cordova say they grew up in Memphis. Also being in your presence for five minutes is the equivalent of 45 chest x-rays.

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6. You went to Voodoo Village once when you were younger, but you got scared when a car pulled up behind you and you crushed it with one of your gargantuan hairy legs.

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7. You L-O-V-E Graceland, and visit every time you need a break from being chased by desperate government scientists.

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8. You’re afraid of the earthquake that Memphis is long overdue for, because it heralds the arrival of Bhul’gaatane the Serpent, your mortal foe.

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9. You followed Kerry Crawford’s “I Love Memphis” blog religiously, and now that she quit, you just follow her, waiting.

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10: You think the inability of the city and county governments to cooperate on school consolidation is damaging to the the long-term infrastructure of the city, as your hulking frame damages the long-term infrastructure of the city.

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AND FINALLY: Whenever some idiot says, “Memphis sucks, there’s nothing to do here,” you spring from the shadows, cover them in a digestive juice from your chelicerae and consume their dissolved flesh.

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Robert Callahan is a Wisguy and regular contributor to Fly on the Wall

Friday, January 10, 2014

A Brief History of Zines featuring Memphis' own "Wipeout" and "Kool Thangs"

Posted By on Fri, Jan 10, 2014 at 12:07 PM

Hilobrow missed this one: Loafing the Donkey.
  • Hilobrow missed this one: Loafing the Donkey.

True story. I came very close to intentionally misspelling the tab you'll see in orange at the top of this post. It was almost "Kool Thangs," in honor of the zine that evolved into Kreature Comforts Lowlife Guide to Memphis. And to be honest, I can't remember why I decided to let accuracy triumph over awesomeness, but here we are.

Zines were the micro-published (often photocopied) rock-and-art fan magazines from the pre/practically useless-Internet era. They were, essentially, blogs before there was such a thing. And Memphis had several excellent examples in the 80's and 90's.

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A multi-part history of zines at Hilobrow.com features some great images and gives a lot of love to Sherman WIlmott's Kool Thangs (which, if memory serves, once attempted to create rankings for Memphis-area strippers), and Wipe Out, which was published by Eric Oblivian.

Now thats what I call maximum rock-and-roll.
  • Now that's what I call maximum rock-and-roll.

Whether you were a zine collector on not, this is a fun browse.

Jerry Lawler Creates Fantastic Wrestling Portraits for Topps Trading Card Set

Posted By on Fri, Jan 10, 2014 at 11:12 AM

Legends by Lawler
  • Legends by Lawler

Before he was a grappler Jerry Lawler was a painter. A sign painter, that is, working for wrestling legend Jackie Fargo and rockabilly artist Eddie Bond. But Lawler was also a serious art student, studying at Memphis State University on scholarship. As we all know, Lawler made his career as a performance artist with the squared circle as his canvas. In recent years, however, the King has returned to his roots, by creating some swell comic book art, and these trading cards for Topps.

They should have also requested a self portrait.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

736 Pictures of Pat's-a-Pizza— And a benefit to send Hanna Star to SxSW

Posted By on Wed, Jan 8, 2014 at 4:13 PM

For local artist/musician/filmmaker Mike McCarthy the new year doesn't start until Elvis' birthday. This year he's celebrating with a benefit to send his daughter to Austin for the SxSW music festival. And with 736 pictures of Pat's-a-Pizza, an Elvis favorite.

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Here are the show deets:

BIRTHWEEK 2014
What Would Elvis Pay (Adjust for Inflation)
A Benefit to send Hanna McCarthy to SXSW.
(to promote her upcoming SpaceCase Record Release)

(1) Ziggy Stardust Ellis Auditorium 1972 super 8 footage! (Loop)

(2) Hanna McCarthy LIVE! (7pm only)

(3) The Willowz “Making Certain” (video w/ Hanna when she was five years old)
(4) Hanna Star “Deep in the Meadow” (Hanna's 2012 video by JMM)

(5) NATIVE SON (a 60 min. doc on the Tupelo Family and the Elvis Statue!)

“What would Elvis Pay?” (adjust for inflation)
Studio On The Square
Wednesday, January 8th,
7 pm / 9 pm (7 pm Hanna plays live)

Elvis 2.0 Will Make the King Palatable to 13-Year-Old-Girls, Consultant Says

Posted By on Wed, Jan 8, 2014 at 3:48 PM

E2.0
  • E2.0

Citing a need for a fresh look to attract a new generation of fans, Memphis politicians, tourism advisors, and representatives of Elvis Presley unveiled today at a press conference Elvis 2.0, an updated image of “The King of Rock and Roll, Hip-Hop, and Alternative Style Electronica.”

“It was getting a little stale making a guy nearly 80 years old look cool to the newer generations,” said Mandy Nerve, the lead designer of the updated Elvis. “This new Elvis is hip and totally rad to the core for newer generations to enjoy!”

“This ain’t your grandma’s Elvis!’ proclaimed tourism director, Rider Kotetale, as he revealed a portrait of the new Elvis 2.0 riding a skateboard while eating his favorite snack, a slice of banana and peanut butter pizza.

Elvis 2.0, is also accompanied by some new supporting characters like DJ Pink, a sassy talking, techno-loving, pink Cadillac, and his manager, Colonel Porker, a high-strung pig that tries his best to keep the over-the-top King in line the best he can.

Elvis 2.0’s catchphrase is also updated to “Thanx!, Thanx Totes, LOL!”

The team hopes to produce a cartoon series, new line of movies directed by Michael Bay, and also a toy-line. A breakfast cereal called “Tupel-Os” will be hitting shelves in a few weeks as well.

Dubstep remixes of Elvis 2.0 songs are now available for download exclusively on iTunes.

Kotetale ended the press conference exclaiming “Elvis 2.0! The building. We Out!” before dropping the mic, causing severe feedback for several minutes.

Edward Valibus is a distinguished archduke of Lithuania currently residing in Memphis, TN. He spends his days frittering away his wealth making independent cinema with his production team Corduroy Wednesday. He holds the current world record for eating the most pudding cups in one hour and is a special contributor to Fly on the Wall

Monday, January 6, 2014

"It's Cold," Area Woman Says

Posted By on Mon, Jan 6, 2014 at 11:28 AM

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Cordova resident Wendy Eubecha provided a valuable service to her neighbors and friends by informing them via Facebook that they "[b]etter bundle up! It's cold, ya'll!"

Grateful readers of this update flooded Eubecha's page with comments filled with thanks, affirmations regarding the temperature, and a few "LOL"'s and, in some cases, smiley faces.

"I'm really glad I can help people out," Eubecha said. "If I didn't mention this, then some folks might end up being real chilly!"

Eubecha indicated that this morning's status update was part of a multistage plan that will include an Instagram of her dashboard temperature reading to verify her findings and an analysis on her blog of how today's low temperatures disprove global warming once and for all. She will also utilize her Twitter account throughout the day to update people on her observations on the cold conditions.

"I may also post a picture of hot chocolate," Eubecha added. "Just to mix things up a little."

Joey Hack is a regular Fly on the Wall contributor, and is a member of the Wiseguys improv troupe.

Breakfast at Family Dollar

Posted By on Mon, Jan 6, 2014 at 9:24 AM

What, no sausage?
  • What, no sausage?

The good news: Individually packaged fried eggs and waffles are now available at area Family Dollars and they're only a dollar each.The bad news: Instead of being made out of eggs and whatever waffles are made out of these food items are made out of marshmallow and gummy candy. That means they probably aren't part of a balanced breakfast.

That ready to eat bit may be a matter of opinion
  • That "ready to eat" bit may be a matter of opinion

Here's a picture of what they look like on a plate.

Wheres the hot sauce?
  • Where's the hot sauce?

Here's what they look like on a plate with hot sauce.

There ya go
  • There ya go

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