Sunday, June 29, 2014

The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics: 6/29/14

Posted By on Sun, Jun 29, 2014 at 5:48 PM

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A kid does some chores! Vikings vex their foes! The Michelin Man creates confusion!

All that and more in this week's The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics, a vaguely weekly feature in which we explain why the Sunday comics are funny.

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly On The Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Local Man Ostracized for Ordering Non-Local Beer

Posted By on Wed, Jun 25, 2014 at 12:36 PM

Check yourself vs. Wreck yourself
  • Check yourself vs. Wreck yourself
Sources say that 32 year old midtowner and major putz, Doug Agrave, has been completely and rightfully disowned by friends, loved-ones, and society as a whole in the metro area for ordering a beer that did not originate within Memphis.

“It was so unsettling”, says former acquaintance Madison Cooper. “We thought he was kidding at first when he ordered a Budweiser but he never gave us that ‘gotcha’ moment. Even the waitress was caught off guard. I mean, what kind of monster have we been hanging out with this whole time?”

The repulsive incident took place last week when Doug and some friends watched a game at a midtown pub that carries a wide selection of delicious, locally crafted beers. When it came time to order a crisp, refreshing 901 born and bred beer, Doug, in an inexplicable act of insanity, purposefully requested a mainstream, highly recognized, national name brand can of piss.

“I just panicked and went with what I used to do” confessed the imbecile-like fool now known universally as “Dumbass Doug”, and who was not allowed to make eye contact with anyone during this interview. “To be honest, it’s hard to keep track, one time I ordered a Cotton Bomb thinking that was a thing from around here and the bartender told me to leave and never come back.”

Since the sickening faux-pas, friends of Doug have decided it is best to discontinue their friendship with the slack-jawed failure until he “comes to his fucking senses.” Doug has also been contacted by his employer who says they will have a “serious talk” about his off-work lifestyle decisions.

Doug’s recent engagement may also be in jeopardy due to his chowderheaded actions. “Vickie moved out saying she needs to collect her thoughts,” confessed Mr. Loser Who Needs a Slap Upside His Fugly Face, “I’m a bit worried since I saw her signature on petition.org that demands I wear a Budweiser label on my forehead for life.”

The petition has over 13,000 signatures and is increasing daily to properly punish this no-good excuse for a living waste of space. Doug’s fiancé Vickie is now reportedly living with a real man who can appreciate having over four local brands that offer their tantalizing beverages in cans, bottles, and even growlers, something that Doug probably doesn’t even knows exists.

Doug has since given up alcohol altogether in hopes the debacle will blow over. However, expectations for redemption are considered very low by this reporter after witnessing that sack of useless flesh tell an out-of-town couple looking for a good dessert place to go to Baskin-Robbins when Muddy’s and Yolo are just right around the goddamn corner.

Edward Valibus is a distinguished archduke of Lithuania currently residing in Memphis, TN. He spends his days frittering away his wealth making independent cinema with his production team Corduroy Wednesday. He holds the current world record for eating the most pudding cups in one hour and is a special contributor to Fly on the Wall

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

"Presley on Platter": An Indian Cafe Serves Up the Many Flavors of Elvis

Posted By on Tue, Jun 10, 2014 at 10:40 AM

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There are few things your Pesky Fly likes more than news stories about Elvis-themed menus overusing quotes from Elvis songs. Here's one from New Delhi that gets better and better.

"Lonesome tonight" or not, if you are in for "a little less conversation" and appetising American cuisine, head to the capital-based multi-cuisine restaurant, Life Caffe of Hotel Corus, that will take you back in time to when Elvis Presley, the undisputed king of rock and roll, ruled supreme.

Titled Presley on Platter, the fest will be on all this month and it will take you back to the 1960s and 1970s when the legendary American singer ruled the music charts and hearts of many youngsters...

"We wanted to connect with the youth of today and those of yesteryears, so we needed to introduce certain elements and an Elvis Presley festival is one way to do it. He was a youth icon, so people can feel connected through his music," Deepak Khera, hospitality consultant, Life Caffe, told IANS.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Howling Monkey Reads The Sunday Comics: 6/8/14

Posted By on Sun, Jun 8, 2014 at 10:51 AM

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Due to insanely popular demand by one guy, we are continuing to run our potentially weekly feature in which we explain to you why the Sunday comics are funny!

In this episode, soldiers sing and fight! A wizard sleeps! Dennis goes on vacation! All that and more in this week's The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics!

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog.

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly On The Wall Blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Monday, June 2, 2014

"Memphis" Music News: Sammy Hagar, Little Stevie Segal, and Zeno's Paradox

Posted By on Mon, Jun 2, 2014 at 12:41 PM

Last of the great Delta Blues Men
  • Last of the "great" "Delta" "Blues" Men

So, if the Red Rocker keeps moving halfway to Memphis, and Zeno's paradox works, he'll never arrive. That's good, right?

Also, former Memphian and noted Blues ninja Steven Segal is currently touring Europe with his band. Admittedly, he's not much of a singer, but when he executes a flying back kick you can feel love slipping away.

Why Read the Sunday Comics When The Howling Monkey Can Read Them For You?

Posted By on Mon, Jun 2, 2014 at 11:56 AM

When Arlo makes a promise he cant keep...
  • When Arlo makes a promise he can't keep...

Sometimes you want to enjoy the Sunday comics, but just don't understand why they are funny. As a service to our readers, we provide "The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics".

The goal is to publish this every Sunday (more or less) at The Howling Monkey blog. Depending on how this goes over, it may appear here as well.

Anywho, in this week's episode: Arlo and Janis complain! Hagar enjoys cake! Earl’s dirty pants! School’s out! All that and more in The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics! (Look, we admit this isn't for everyone. But those who it is for will laugh and laugh)!

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly On The Wall blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

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Tidbits from the 1994 "Best of Memphis" list.

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