Yesterday Fly on the Wall asked readers to submit High Point Owl fan fiction. While we would still love to post the best of your owly fanfic, the first piece I'm sharing is a true account told to me by a reader who asked to be identified as Mimosa Ave:
"I left my house located right in the Highpoint neighborhood around 9 PM for a jog. I had my headphones in, jamming to the latest R&B techno remix on pandora and not 10 steps into my run I felt a smack on the right side of my head—- along with something sharp. I screamed bloody murder, and I mean, I screamed, because for about 3 long seconds I thought I was getting mugged. The thought 'this is what you get for repeatedly running at night in the dark against your better judgement' even went through my head. I looked up and all around and I didn't see anything. No scurry, no flash of movement, nada. I reached up to my head and felt and immediately could tell I was bleeding. I ran back inside my house and looked in the mirror- took the aforementioned picture, and immediately looked up the date of my last tetanus and pondered the thought that the SOB could have been a bat- and contemplated the possibility of rabies.
As might be apparent, I am well acquainted with healthcare- which, in many ways, can help and hurt you. Ignorance can be bliss. I called my friend working her shift in the ER tonight to ask if I needed to boost my tetanus etc. She ran it by some attendings through a lot of laughter (naturally, this story is absurd, you have to laugh). They and other people working in ER tonight immediately asked what neighborhood I lived in—— when my friend disclosed Highpoint they immediately referenced this infamous owl. Hence, my journey to you and submitting this ridiculous story."
email your High Point Owl Halloween fan fiction (or non-fiction) to firstname.lastname@example.org. Write "Owl Fiction" in the subject field. I'll publish the good ones and award some MALCO movie tickets to my completely subjective favorites.
Whoa. Two gas stations? Clearly it's time for all right-thinking citizens of Memphis, Michigan to learn from their West Tennessee namesake and get out before the inevitable fights over fuel consolidation.
Kudos to Channel 5 reporter Jason Miles for showing so much restraint with this Tweet...
Which directed followers to this headline.
From the WREG report:
“I think I blacked out after he said ghetto booty. I think my mind was just stuck on the phrase because I couldn’t believe he said that,” said Ragland.
Dr Sweo explained to WREG that he'd used the term to explain a condition called lumbar lordosis, "a fancy name for the curve of the lower spine that makes the buttocks protrude more."
"In trying to explain that I said that she had ghetto booty and she didn’t like that apparently," Sweo was quoted as saying.
Read the whole report here.
Smart Meters and You
Memphis Light Gas and Water's plans to install so called "smart meters" in area homes has led some residents to protest the newfangled devices. Even Memphis City Council member Joe Brown has called them a form of Communism even though that's a real word with an actual, entirely different meaning. Fly on the Wall has heard rumors about photos of documents revealing several hidden smart meter features. And, of course, we're passing them along.
It is also unclear whether this law will impact the 1995 "Junk In The Trunk" law enacted after state legislators watched an episode of The Jerry Springer Show and ate some ham.
Perhaps the City Council can propose a bill aimed at mollifying the notoriously vocal Midtown crowd? The SUMO (Shut Up Midtowners Ordinance) would require that any Midtown building that is more than 50 years old can not be demolished unless it is replaced by a Trader Joe's.
Such an ordinance should have the effect of short circuiting Midtowners brains to the point where they are utterly unable to respond to any proposed demolition.
Six New Names for the Paula Deen Cafe That Should Probably Be Avoided
As you may have read, Harrah's Tunica is rebranding the Paula Deen Buffet. Because "Fly on the Wall" is a helpful blog we have created a list of six names that probably shouldn't be considered as a replacement. In fact these names are such no good, terrible, very bad ideas, nobody should read this blog post even. Unless, of course, they really, really want to.
Get a new lawyer.
Get a new lawyer who?
No, seriously, get a new lawyer.
So Paula Deen uses the N-word and thinks it's a cute idea to have an Old South wedding where African-Americans get gussied up like slaves to serve the invited guests? To borrow a line from Gomer Pyle, USMC, "Surprise, surprise, surprise!"
As you marvel at this video (with the worst dubbing anyone has experienced since Godzilla was a tadpole!) it's helpful to remember, these two big lifestyle stars really are talking about the help.
Men's Wearhouse, the fancier cousin of The New York Suit Exchange, today fired founder and chairman George Zimmer.
His termination letter reportedly started as follows:
"You're not going to like the rest of this letter. Guaranteed."
Slim Whitman, the country singer who headlined Elvis Presley's first public performance on July 30, 1954 at the Overton Park (now Levitt) Shell, has died of heart failure. The 89-year-old singer, and subject of brilliant parody, was famous for his yodeling, multi-octave range, and his ability to make alien brains explode.
New NSA Slogans
In light of the recent revelation of the vast collection of American's phone data, the Obama Administration and the National Security Agency have been taking a public relations beating. In order to combat this, the Administration has turned to the advertising agency of Cooper/Sterling/Draper/Targaryen/Lannister to come up with slogans designed to soften the impact.The following suggested slogans were leaked to the Fly by an unnamed source. But it was probably that Snowden guy.