And finally we come to our number choice for best local Memphis Comedian...
And there you have it! The undisputed top 7 entirely made up comedians working in Memphis! If you'd like to see the real, hardworking, and funny local comedians in Memphis, this weekend’s Comedy Festival is the perfect place to start.
For a listing of shows, tickets, and venues go to MemphisComedyFestival.com. All joking aside, Memphis does have a very strong, very funny comedy scene and they deserve to be recognized. Go out and see a show and support local performers and artist. BE A PART OF IT!!!
Mike McCarthy is a standup comedian who is sometimes confused with Mike McCarthy the filmmaker and occasionally mistaken for the Memphis Comedy Horse. He is also a Wiseguy and contributor to Fly on the Wall.
Witnesses at the scene say Action News 5 was trying on a Kim Kardashian brand hairpiece valued at $39.95 when News Channel 3 snuck up behind the unsuspecting station and snatched the wig right off its head.
"Lord, you should have heard Channel 5 holler," said WKNO Channel 10. The public television station was enjoying margaritas and an order of guacamole fries on the patio at Cafe Olé when the fight broke out.
"It sounded like somebody was being murdered," WKNO said. "And then that samurai sword came out, and we thought somebody was going to be murdered."
WMC's neighbors greeted the news with mixed reactions.
"I kinda think WREG is a little bit jealous of WMC," says unlicensed massage therapist Carl Masutra who lives in a van that he parks behind a popular fast food restaurant on Union Ave. "And if somebody was trying to snatch their wig, I think they've got a right to stand their ground."
Brenda Dishwalla of Dishwalla Interiors says she's shocked by the behavior of both news stations.
"Which one is supposed to be 'on your side?'" Dishwalla asked. "Is it WMC 'on your side' or WREG 'on your side?' Because it doesn't sound to me like either of these stations is on my side. And who the hell goes around carrying a samurai sword?"
Channel 3 was taken to the hospital where it was treated for minor injuries. WMC was questioned and released on its own recognizance. Although graffiti was spotted near the scene, no gang involvement is currently suspected, and no formal charges have been brought against either station.
The video, which showed a group of African American teens in the parking lot, and documented one young White Kroger employee being assaulted, has caused a great deal of discussion.
“Look, it’s a terrible thing that happened here, but it really helps me out,” said Memphis resident Rick Rolle. “If nothing else, it’s given me an opportunity to voice my views more freely.”
“Where’s the Black community on this? How come we haven’t heard from Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson or George Washington Carver calling this a hate crime? And let’s not hold our breath waiting for Obama to get involved, because, well, you know why,” Rolle said.
Rolle believes that this incident affords an opportunity for honest dialogue. “For example, after this, I feel comfortable using the word ‘thugs’ to describe young, Black males without any fear of criticism. If this happens again, I’ll feel free to drop straight up racial slurs. So, I’m hoping that works out.”
Others find dialogue more difficult in the wake of this incident. “Well, this is terrible. It’s hard to see a group of young people attack another young person. But let’s not make this a racial issue. I don’t see color at all, so who is to say what race anyone involved in this was? I think you’d have to be a racist to see the clear facts, right?” asked Memphian Jenny Flex. “For all we know there were a dozen kids off screen of a different race — whatever that race may be — from the kids we saw in the video. Right? Right? Besides, that poor young man who got attacked may have been targeted because of any reason in the world. There’s no way to know if race was a factor. Right? Please tell me I’m right.”
Where most people do agree is in criticizing the Kroger employee who took the video of the incident and put it online. “This young woman who took this video should be ashamed,” said Memphian Matt Hatter, as he watched the video for the 24th time. “It’s just a shame.”
Joey Hack is a regular contributor to the Fly on the Wall Blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.
“We considered Cooper-Young, but really like the vibe of the 'burbs,” Anti-Hipster Association (AHA) president Cheryl Barnes said. “They’ve got lots of great chain restaurants here that we can enjoy unironically.”
Members of AHA strive to be “annoying like conventional hipsters, only in the complete opposite way,” Barnes said, as she switched her Pandora station to a Green Day station. “I love these guys. American Idiot is really great.”
AHA members take part in various activities and panels at their convention. Hank Sinke spoke at the panel titled “All The Great Stuff On Television”.
“We were talking about the Game of Thrones series when someone asked me if I’d read the books. Well, I told him in no uncertain terms that I don’t have any books in my house. That put him in his place,” Sinke said.
Convention goers also met for a late night “Games and Beers” session, during which they played some UNO.
“These late night sessions are great, but tiring,” said AHA member Raymond Garza. “I always feel like I ought to shave before going to bed just to avoid having too much facial hair.”
The AHA convention continues today with panels including “Traditional Media Is Ok By Me!”, “Artisan:Shmartisan”, and “Bicycles: Who Needs Them When Our Cars Work Just Fine? (Answer: No One).”
“I’m not sure if this is a growing movement that represents a shift in social paradigms, or if it’s just a bunch of dopes,” said Dr. Evelyn Norman, University of Tennessee Sociology Professor. “But it seems like it’s just a bunch of dopes.”
Joey Hack is a member of the Wiseguys improv troupe, and is a regular contributor to the Fly On The Wall Blog.
“We are so excited for this new direction we are taking with our properties,” said BSDCOF spokesperson Harrison Gunderson. “Once we get our perfectly fine second location up and running, we have some dramatic renovations planned for Old Beale as well. We hope to make it a living history museum by restoring the buildings and general demeanor to standards of the Old South.”
“We’ll even get to use some real historical memorabilia that my family’s had hidden in the basement for reasons I don’t need to get into,” Gunderson added, proudly holding a sign partially obscured by ash and dirt that read “W TES LY”.
Prospective Old Beale Street patrons will be randomly stopped and frisked by officers based on a proprietary formula, and subsequently undergo a credit check before entering the property. Those deemed unworthy or unable to afford Old Beale Street will be bused to the "new downtown location" for more suitable frivolity.
Asked whether New Beale would maintain the same police presence afforded to Old Beale, the BSDCOF team stared incredulously at reporters, before leaving the podium without comment.
New Beale is located in Frayser, just around the corner from Captain D's.
In related news, never mind.
Robert Callahan is an expatriate Wise Guy living in Chicago, and a frequent Fly on the Wall contributor.
Rick Ross was in town this week to open his 25th WIngstop restaurant, and his 5th in Memphis. Mayor Wharton, eager to encourage economic opportunity, was on hand to greet Ross and present him with a "key to the city." Fly on the Wall has since obtained a list of additional fringe benefits the City of Memphis is willing to offer "job creators" in order to stimulate growth.
As we already know, 5 Wingstops = Key to the City. But that's only the beginning.
10 BBQ joints = Mayor for the Day
3 Payday Loan Stores = 1 night stay in the Jungle Room at Graceland (sleeping bags not included)
5 Family Dollars = city council position
3 pawn shops = 2.5 Wingstops
5 wig shops = 1 free wig shop
3 gun shops = Naming rights to a Mud Island monorail.
Rent one floor in One Commerce Square, get one free deed to One Commerce Square.
5 convenience stores = a 24 hour commission as a riverboat captain (captain's hat not included)
1 Bring a major film production crew to Memphis, get use of the Pyramid as personal tomb.
3 coffee shops = Lunch with the County Commissioner of you choice. At one of your coffee shops. On you. Hippie.
4 liquor stores = Shea Flinn will play Risk with you in City Council chambers.
Reopen Celebration Station— AC Wharton will hold a press conference to passionately kiss you.
3 pancake restaurants = a ballad about you sung by Amy LaVere
5 title loan stores: You are surgically attached to Janis Fullilove.
Opening a facility that employs more than 209 people means you may assert primae noctis rights throughout Shelby County for one year.
Open a Farm to table local green fork restaurant = Taylor Berger personally takes care of any "issues" you may have.
Avoid indictment for one year while a city official and get a free Jerry's Sno Cone (Supreme not included).
Open 3 Low Credit No Credit style car dealerships = Automatically become Superintendent of the Unified School District.
Fly on the Wall is compiled by Chris Davis with funniness provided by The Wiseguys.
In honor of Elvis Week the Fly on the Wall staff has assembled a list of 73 heavily researched trivia items that have never been printed anywhere else. Enjoy.
1. Elvis' favorite small appliance manufacturer was Sunbeam. It is rumored "Burning Love" was originally written as a jingle for the toaster manufacturer.
2. Elvis hated the comic strip Alley Oop, and would draw a fake mustache on the title character out of spite each week.
3. Elvis was considered for the lead role in The Godfather.
4. Elvis loved funny hats.
5. Elvis' favorite flavor of Laffy Taffy was banana.
6. The name Elvis contains five letters including two vowels.
7. Elvis's favorite band was Winger.
Elvis first encountered 80's band Winger in a meditative vision of the future.
8. Elvis' middle name is commonly misspelled. It is actually "Aronn"
9. Elvis wrote To Kill A Mockingbird under the pseudonym of Harper Lee.
10. Elvis was an honorary member of the National Sociey of Quail Enthusiasts.
11. Elvis' favorite Mexican food? Tacos.
12. Designers presented Elvis with more than 170 shades of white and off white before manufacturing the first iconic jumpsuit.
13. Elvis gave all of his close friends unusual nicknames. He affectionately referred to Col. Tom Parker as “Turd Blossom.”
14. Elvis often wore a disguise consisting of a top hat, monocle, and false mustache to go out in public as Lord Jiggleton. He would greet people by simply shouting "Blimey!" at them in a loud, fake British accent.
15. Elvis often engaged in jelly bean eating contests with Red West. Red always let him win.
16. Elvis' favorite sexual position was abstinence. His second favorite: missionary. His third favorite: The bearded bugler.
17. Elvis and George Klein would often do puppet shows for Dutch children, which delighted the youth to no end!
18. The hit song "Return to Sender" was inspired by the true story of a man who mailed a letter only to have it returned.
19. Elvis was the first person to have contact with New Zealanders.
20. Elvis preferred black shoelaces.
21. Elvis called Vegas "Las Nashville."
22. Elvis owned a hound dog named Butta. It was surprisingly quiet.
23. Elvis had a giraffe named Becky that he kept in his jungle room.
24. Elvis’ favorite female vocalist was Roy Orbison.
25. Elvis regarded the Jungle Room as a vast improvement over the original Tundra Room.
26. Elvis’ favorite Halloween costume: Julia Child.
27. After discovering he was too tall to be an astronaut Elvis started his own space program.
28. The most rare Elvis recording is of his live "The King's Klezemer Kavalcade" recorded in 1971 in the Catskills.
29. Elvis once used his karate skills to defeat an entire ax gang.
30. For Elvis, no day was complete without prank calling Robert Goulet. Elvis pretended to be a DJ calling from a local radio station. He told Goulet he was giving away a fabulous prize and the first lucky listener to drop by the station would collect. As a result, employees at KXPT Las Vegas thought Goulet was “nutty as a sack of pecans.”
31. Given a choice, Elvis preferred several tiny marshmallows to one large one in a mug of hot chocolate.
32. Elvis beat Chuck Norris so badly in a karate fight.
33. Elvis hated the word smudge. He would punch anybody who said it.
34. Elvis loved a good knock knock joke.
35. Elvis' favorite American inventor: George Washington Carver
36. When asked about Ann Margaret, Elvis would often smile and say "Yeah, she is pretty!"
37. Elvis invented the roomba.
38. When in Vegas, Elvis would often call Sammy Davis, Jr. and demand he bring him a Clark Bar. When Sammy refused, Elvis would yell "Well, you don't seem like much of a candy man to me!"
39. Elvis was pretty adamant in his position that Submariner was superior to Aquaman.
40. Whenever Elvis played Monopoly, he insisted on being the thimble, and he refused to utilize that house rule where you put fees in Free Parking and then whoever lands there gets them. "That's just too much, luck, Jack!"
41. If you play In the Ghetto Backwards you can hear somebody saying what sounds like, "Ottehg eht ni."
42. During Gandhi's hunger strike, Elvis would call daily to offer him a peanut butter banana and bacon sandwich. He genuinely wanted to be helpful.
43. Elvis gave away more El Caminos than Cadillacs
44. Elvis's unfinished last movie "King-Fu" was described as "Blue Hawaii" meets "Enter the Dragon".
45. Elvis had the bomb even before the British.
46. Richard Nixon made Elvis an honorary commissioner of the Federal Reserve, complete with voting rights.
47. Elvis made most of his money as a striker for Manchester United.
48. In addition to his love of gospel, Elvis also studied Qawwali,the devotional music of Sufis, which is credited with helping him maintain his voice.
49. Elvis’s Memphis Mafia accidentally invented Frisbee Golf while doing dishes one day.
50. While serving in the army Elvis met and befriended a young Andre the Giant. The 1959 single “Big Hunk of Love” was inspired by their friendship.
51. Elvis was allergic to his own hair color, which is why he dyed it black.
52. Elvis once got into a Scimitar duel with the Sultan of Brunei.
53. In order to save on maintenance costs, Elvis and Charlie Hodge became certified TV Repairmen.
54. Elvis had a private subway that ran from Graceland to the basement of Godfather's in Overton Square
55. Elvis had a beloved pet Vietnamese Potbelly Pig, he called Pig E
56. Elvis was once offered the role of the zeppelin pilot in a film called "HindenBoogie"
57. Elvis once threw an urn at Slim Whitman's head.
58. While in the army, Elvis was used as a subject in the MK-Ultra experiments.
59. Elvis would often rent out the Memphian theater to enjoy private showings of the films of Ingmar Bergman.
60. Elvis used to rent out Libertyland for parties, and would amuse guests by playing "Whack-A-George-Klein"
61. Vernon Presley's favorite meal was Cream of Spaghettios.
62. Gladys Presley's favorite meal was regular Spaghettios.
63. Elvis Presley bought Graceland because he thought it was cool that it was on a street that had his name on it.
64. Elvis sometimes felt that cucumbers were spying on him.
65. When he was not performing, Elvis would often wear a beard of bees for days at a time.
66. Elvis only discovered his musical powers after he watched a robber shoot his wealthy parents in an alleyway.
67. Elvis would often leave pies cooling on a window sill only to have them stolen by lovable neighborhood scamps.
68. Portrayed Avery Schreiber in three episodes of Chico and the Man.
69. Elvis once fought alongside the armies of man and dwarf to put down the Dark Lord Sauron and save Middle Earth.
70. Elvis created a chain of yogurt shops called "Taking Care of Business Yogurt". This was later shortened to YOLO.
71. Elvis' final thoughts were of Rosebud, a sled he had as a child which symbolized lost innocence, youth and the love of his mother. We think. It's up to interpretation.
72. Priscilla was replaced by a wax figure in 1972.
73. Elvis played bass for a few months in KISS in 1976. His face makeup theme was "The Catfish"
Fly on the Wall is compiled by Chris Davis with funniness provided by The Wiseguys.
Prior to leaving for the corner convenience store Flanagan stopped by an ATM to get cash for lottery scratch cards and, while doing, he also applied for Memphis’ Payment In Lieu of Taxes (PILOT) program. According to his application Flanagan was at least buying a twelve pack and potentially as much as a case of cheap domestic beer. “Look,” he said, “I’m a big fan of Memphis. And given the chance, I’d like to make this next beer purchase in Memphis too. But the fact is, I’m already considering a trip to Walmart in West Memphis, which is just like Memphis but further west. And if this doesn’t work out I can always buy and possibly even drink the beer while I’m in Arkansas.”
Business leader Eddie Joe of EJ’s Kwikie Shoppe in Marion, AR, met Flanagan while the two men were waiting to use a RedBox outside of the Union Ave. Walgreens. He has since used social media to encourage his new friend to bring both his money and his astonishing thirst over the bridge to play.
“Ted’s a badass dude,” Joe says. “And I told him I’d totally hook him up with a killer price on some imports.”
Flanagan has a long history of successfully purchasing beers and other adult beverages in Memphis. He had even purchased a craft beer Growler from the Madison Ave. Cash Saver earlier in the day but quickly realized it wasn’t enough. “I’m ready to move on this right now,” he says. “I’m just hoping the city recognizes the value of what I'm trying to do here, and what I'm likely to do if I get really tanked and start throwing my cash around. And I hope they can see fit to meet me halfway.”
Do-It-Downtown President Chelsea Lamar believes that, while PILOTs for beer are unprecedented, Memphians should keep an open mind. “I think this is a really exciting moment for the urban core,” Lamar says. “We’ve lost a lot of alcohol sales to surrounding counties, but now we have a chance to reverse the momentum. We already know that every twelve pack Flanagan buys typically creates three to five new drinking opportunities. If he winds up needing that extra cooler, I think we’re gonna have a real party tonight.”
Although it’s still too early to tell whether or not Flanagan’s beer party will attract the kind of strippers that attract sketchy guys who are free with their cocaine, there are several reasons to be optimistic.
“Hey, I’ve got a bunch of Pancho’s cheese dip in the fridge,” Flanagan says. “And that’s coming out no matter what.”