Sex

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Rep. Jeremy "Pants Candy" Durham Merits Expulsion From Tennessee General Assembly

Posted By on Wed, Jul 13, 2016 at 9:13 PM

Jeremy Durham AKA "Pants Candy"
  • Jeremy Durham AKA "Pants Candy"
File under wow.

Rep Jeremy Durham (R-Duh) looks to be a special kind of icky creeper, and a report from Tennessee's attorney general finds his behavior merits expulsion from the General Assembly. Not that anybody's expelling him or anything. 

According to the AG's report Durham was nicknamed "Pants Candy" by one of the 22 women with whom he had inappropriate sexual encounters. His partners had been reluctant to complain for fear of losing their jobs. Lobbyists, interns and executive assistants also worried they's lose favor with the GOP caucus

How did Durham earn the nickname Pants Candy? He kept a dish of candy on his desk. When asked for a piece he reached in his front pocket and fished suggestively for an unwrapped mint. "You don't want those, I've got this," he was quoted as saying.

The legislator's political fate is being left in the discerning hands of District 65 voters. 

Shudder. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Commercial Appeal Declared a "Legend" Following Story About Frat Bro's Date with a Porn Star

Posted By on Wed, Feb 24, 2016 at 1:22 PM

For maximum enjoyment press play on this video before reading. 


It's not the stuff of a Pulitzer Prize winning series, but a digital report on the Commercial Appeal's website is receiving attention across social media for recounting the epic tale of UT Knoxville student and Sigma Chi frat brother Patrick Goswitz, who invited porn star Cherry Morgan to a formal dance this weekend. 

This is what a legendary legend looks like.
  • This is what a legendary legend looks like.

"UT fraternity brother declared ‘a legend’ for date with porn star," was originally published by the Knoxville News Sentinel and tells the touching story of young Goswitz who was, in fact, described as a "legend," as a result of his date with Morgan, the Knoxville-based actress famous for appearing in adult films where, like many porn stars, she gives blowjobs to plumbers, pizza guys and other dudes who deliver.  (WARNING: LINK VERY NSFW).

"Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

The saga of Goswitz and Morgan is told using quotes from blogs and social media and is most notable for containing the worst sentence in the history of print journalism: "Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

As it happens, people with internet connections and Google alerts for Cherry Morgan had many newsworthy things  to say about the hot date. One person wrote, "Atta boy." Another said, "Lucky guy!" A third anonymous commenter wrote "Good for him," while a somewhat sadder post read, "I would consider myself legendary to even bring a girl to meet my family."

This is easily the greatest thing the CA has published since yesterday's breaking story about how how nicotine makes it hard to quit smoking. 

12744422_10208543349760158_700354506783776330_n.jpg

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Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Money Shot: A Plug for Sheila Butt

Posted By on Tue, Jul 7, 2015 at 11:38 AM

As loyal readers know, your Pesky Fly sees penises and penis-related imagery everywhere. It's a gift, really. This week I'd like to draw your attention to the campaign logo of District 64 Rep. Sheila Butt. And yes, I know, that is supposed to be a silhouette of the Maury County courthouse. It also looks a little (okay, a LOT) like the climactic scene in a porn film. 

sheilabuttslogo.jpg

Butt is a Tennessee conservative who sees marriage equality as an affront to religious freedom. She's also a pro-life politician opposed to shortening abortion waiting periods even if the survivor has been a victim of incest or rape. According to Butt, rape and incest are "not verifiable."

UPDATE: The copy has been changed to reflect the fact that the silhouette is the Maury Co. Courthouse, and not a horrible rendering of the Tennessee Capital.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Mystery of Memphis' Tri-Phallic Welcome Sign Explained

Posted By on Wed, May 13, 2015 at 2:32 PM

Shitty aritst's enhancement
  • Shitty aritst's enhancement

Fly on the Wall recently observed that the three note logo on Memphis' new welcome sign looks an awful lot like a bunch of dingalings.  

Here they are once again, just for reference. 

Dingalings
  • Dingalings

Since Bass Pro opened in Memphis' long abandoned Pyramid, the internet has been awash in new pictures of the skyline, and every photo seems to teach the Bluff City a little something new about itself. This image, for example, seems to suggest that the phallic nature of the welcome sign may not have been an accident. For so it was written in prophecies of old, "When three cocks crow over the Memphis sunset, then will the giant asphalt spermatozoa reveal itself."

STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MANKIND
  • Stolen from the internet for the betterment of mankind

I think it's time to bring back the crystal Skull, people. 

Who doesn't like a little head?
  • Who doesn't like a little head?

Monday, February 16, 2015

Mega-Fail: The New Memphis Welcome Sign is NSFW

Posted By on Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 9:57 AM


ARRRGGH! - S
  • S
  • ARRRGGH!

So, are we the only dirty minded people who read the Commercial Appeal story "Memphis' New Signs Beckon I-40 Travelers" and thought, "Wait a minute, are those dildos up there?"

Because, you've got to admit, in addition to being an ugly sign generally, those alleged music notes up top, sure do look an awful lot like dildos

L to R: Dildos, Detail from the new Memphis welcome sign.
  • L to R: Dildos, Detail from the new Memphis welcome sign.


UPDATE: What's seen can not be unseen. Maybe this is our Mt. Rushmore. Those dildos need names. Maybe even faces. Suggestions? 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Tennessee Lawyer Takes Legal Action Against Apple Because Devices Are Capable of Displaying Porn

Posted By on Mon, Jul 15, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Steve & Friends
  • Steve & Friends
It's too easy to make jokes about Tennessee lawyer Chris Sevier, who is taking legal action against Apple because its devices are capable of, and will, in fact, display porn should any innocent person, Sevier, for example, accidentally type "Fuckbook," instead of Facebook.


So why not treat yourself and read the actual (and actually hilarious) legal filing. Turns out Sevier loves Apple products. A lot.


Chris Sevier Apple Complaint

Original Sin
  • Original Sin

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Thank You Condom Man

Posted By on Thu, Jul 11, 2013 at 6:13 PM

Who knew?
  • Who knew?


Memphis is so fortunate to have a real honest-to-gosh superhero like CondomMan.

If I wasn't following this champion of truth, justice, and American Latex on Facebook, it's possible I might keep making this same mistake over and over again.


So, in case other people don't say it enough, thank you CondomMan. You're the greatest.

The Caped Screwsader
  • The Caped Screwsader

Oh, and while we're talking about sex and the social networks...

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