Friday, May 29, 2009
The Battle for Workplace Protection
Posted by Bianca Phillips on Fri, May 29, 2009 at 4:06 PM
With the crazy drama going on at the Shelby County Commission over a non-discrimination ordinance protecting gay, lesbian, and transgender county workers, it seems the perfect time to launch Memphis Gaydar.
I'll be sure to provide coverage of the impending outcome of the county's vote on the ordinance Monday afternoon, as well as coverage of an LGBT Unity Rally to be held Sunday afternoon at 1 p.m. on the steps of First Congregational Church at 1000 S. Cooper.
Last Tuesday, Commissioner Wyatt Bunker held a press conference outside the Shelby County Building, in which various fundamentalist pastors slammed the gay community for demanding special privileges with this non-discrimination ordinance. Apparently, Steve Gaines (of Bellevue Baptist) and company think homosexuality is a choice.
At one point, Gaines even used the phrase "homosexual brutes" to describe the gay community. Others, such as William Owens of the Coalition of African American Pastors, harped on the use of the phrase "civil rights," claiming his offense to people equating gay rights issues with the African American rights struggle in the 1960s.
But at least one gay man in the audience was standing quietly, taking the pastors hurtful words to heart. He wrote a pretty touching letter to the Memphis Flyer. Check it out (it made me cry a little bit):
Response to Pastors’ May 26th News Conference (Part 1) What It Really Means to Be Gay
I attended your press conference on May 26th outside the Shelby County Building. I stood quietly listening. I heard being gay equated with, among other things, pedophilia, addiction, perversion and allergies. (It was hard to hear some of the speakers over the traffic noise. So, I may have misheard “allergy.”) I heard a lot of talk about sexual things, fetishes and agendas.
However, in all your speeches claiming to know who I am and what my relationship is, I never heard from you a clear understanding of why I am gay. I realized that you really don’t know. You don’t have an understanding of what being gay is.
As I said, I heard a whole lot of talk about sex. In reality that’s only a fraction of what being gay is about. (Actually, since I’ve come out of the closet and accepted myself as being gay, my life has revolved around sex much less than it did when I was trying to be straight.)
Do you remember when, as a child, you imagined how your life would when you grew up? At first, it’s just “what do you want to be when you grow up.” As you grow up that picture begins to expand and include others beside yourself. Next, it’s just what it would be like to have a family. That grows a little more and the people who are part of it start to take shape until you have this full picture of what your life will be like, including who that special someone is going to be.
For me that special someone was always a man. When I thought about who would be holding my hand as we walked down the beach, it was a man. When I thought about who would pass me the Kleenex as we watched my/our child get his/her diploma, it was a man. When I thought about the front porch, rocking chairs and old age, it was a man sitting in the rocking chair next to me. The core of being gay is about whom I love. My being gay is about my relationship with him and its joys, irritations and doldrums.
• It’s about the kiss on the top of my bald head, as I sit at the computer.
• It’s about hearing him say, “I love you” on the phone when he’s on one of his out-of-town trips.
• It’s about hanging up and missing the sound of his breathing as he sleeps next to me.
• It’s about his frustration with me when I leave things lying around.
• It’s about my frustration with him when I go back to get it and he’s put it away somewhere.
• It’s about seeing the dust under the bed and in the corners and thinking, “We have got to clean this house.”
• It’s about rolling my eyes and trying not to laugh at his corny jokes.
• It’s about intentionally falling for one of his punch lines so we can rib/kid each other about it.
• It’s about coming home from work to his hug and feeling safe.
• It’s about not understanding a thing he says when he explains his scientific papers/readings, but being proud of him because he’s so smart, intelligent and competent in his field.
• It’s about feeling encouraged by him to take responsibility and steps to finish my college degree in theatre because it’s what I love.
• It’s about being hurt and angry when I see his life’s work and endeavor being taken completely taken from him because he has a boyfriend/partner and not a wife.
• It’s snuggling together on the couch as we watch a movie or TV.
• It’s about laughing together playing Wii Fit or Wii Music.
• It’s about getting snippy with each other, ruminating on it and apologizing later.
• It’s about his smile and laugh when I do something silly and playful in order to see him smile and laugh.
• It’s about having a greater appreciation for classical music because he has shared the Memphis Symphony with me.
• It’s about introducing him to karaoke and smiling as he sings his Gilbert and Sullivan and I sing my Broadway.
• It’s about holding hands in the movie theatre and feeling his thumb rub the back of my hand.
• It’s about going out to dinner and when he orders thinking, “Yep, I knew that’s what he’d get.”
• It’s about me usually being the chatty small-talker and him being the quiet, listening one when we’re out to dinner with friends.
• It’s about sitting right here writing this letter and smiling because karma has dropped a whole bunch of goodness into my life with him.
• It’s about that vision of the porch and those rocking chairs, turning my head and smiling as he’s nodded off to sleep.
That’s what my being gay is about. It is so much more than how we are sexually intimate with each other. To portray focus your speech so much on sex is to disregard and denigrate who we are to ourselves and to each other. It misleads others to believe that our lives are incomplete and one-dimensional. I don’t expect this letter to change your mind, beliefs or values. I just wanted to let you know that you are missing out on so much of who we are when you allow yourselves to focus on just one fraction of being gay.
Comments (15)
Showing 1-15 of 15
I am a born-again christian adn I am very touched by your article. I have not or may never meet you in this lifetime, but I am feeling the pain that you go through to be who you are. I belive that God does not want man/woman to be gay because he made male/female. Enough of that.
I attend a pentecostal church where those of us, yes, us who have walked in the path of perversion before coming to God have to deal with saints who do not know the everyday lifestyle of gays and judge them for what they were and not for who they are. I have had to cry behind what have been said over the pulpit as well as over the audience with the saints testimonies. However, when I see someone who is living that lifestyle, I ask God to help me use wisdom in reaching out to him/her. If God want an individual to be saved from his/her sins, it will happen through teh love of God, not the cruelty that is displayed in the saints.
I pray that God will direct your path, give you the love you seek that cannot be found in the arms of flesh. I know because I am very affectionate and I gave my heart and soul to my lover. Now I give my heart and soul to God. I am single and do not have any sinful practices in my life. Believe me, it is the word that makes that happen. I am flesh and and will sin like anyone else. I thank God for the word that I get from the church I attend. Judgement preaching works!!!
Be blessed my brother.
Sister Cynthia Parker, parker59@att.net
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To the gentleman who wrote that very touching letter to the pastor.
I have a confesion to make: for many years I lived a life of sexual immorality. I am ashamed for many things I did. Ever since I turned to Christ, I saw the light and never turned back. There is one book who says it all. It addresses not only gay lifestyle choices, but ALL sin.
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"21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. (Rom I)"
Oh, please keep your religion to yourself. This isn't about your idea of "sin," it's about accepting people as they are or, if you prefer, as god made them. "Judge not lest ye be judged," or whatever Bible gibberish seems useful to you.
Really, what is the relevance of all these Bible references and quotes to whether gay people should be treated in a tolerant and equal manner in regards to the civil arena? I don't argue whether being gay is a sin or not; I don't care whether it is or isn't. (it is ironic and humorous how these fundies pick and choose which parts of the so-called "good book" they emphasize and follow, though) No, friends, it is really COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT as to whether some religious people consider homosexuality a sin. And I don't personally give a shit whether some black people take offense at gay people "stealing" civil rights from black people; get the fuck over it black people (those of you who have a rpoblem with it). "civil rights" don't exclusively "belong" to you as a group. Never did, and don't now. civil rights are for ALL citizens, fools. don't like it? Too bad. You people are completely on the wrong side of history anyway. Your grandchildren and great-grandchildren won't agree with your stand on this issue-- as time marches on, you'll find fewer and fewer people on your side of this issue, and there ain't one damn thing you can do to stop the tide either. And for all of you who think gay people are a threat to "traditional marriage," it seems to me us heterosexuals have done more than enough damage to the that institution on our own. As for gay marriage, my thought is: why shouldn't gay people have the right to be just as miserable as the rest of us?
I thought the "Bible" (aka, the Great Novel) teaches compassion, forgiveness, and love. None of that do I see when a person condemns a person for being who they are.
I was taught not to cast stones or to call pots black. I was taught tolerance and acceptance. I was taught that just because someone isn't like me, that does not mean they are bad or need to change.
And, I was taught that just because someone doesn't believe the way I do that they are wrong. I was taught that we are what we are, not always because we have a choice in the matter...that G-d has made all of us unique, and that He/She loves us. Period.
Please, go thump your Novel somewhere else.
Shut up already with all of the bible thumping, pew jumping, snake handling, and scripture quoting! The wing nuts out there are going to make me shift positions on this! I still disagree with government telling me how to run my business, but some of these idiots are simply just too much to bear.
Rat I think you pretty much covered it completely.
Being Gay is a choice. Who wouldn't want to be an outcast, made fun of in school, openly discriminated against, fodder for hundreds of jokes, scared of being honest, afraid of being disowned by their parents. Sounds like a good gig to me, especially if it comes with style and a great fashion sense. For my buddy (you know who you are), for clarity, this is sarcasm. Everyone knows it isn't a choice. And that scares the S@#T out of them. Because if it isn't a choice that means that their kids might be gay. Sry for the length here, some guidos at Italian fest got me a little drunk. Anyone point out that Dick Cheney has a gay daughter. if that ain't proof.................
Beautiful letter, very sweetly written. That sounds a lot like how I feel about my wife. May God forgive you ignorant people who are so deeply confused about the Bible. The Good Book is supposed to be about love, forgiveness, kindness and mercy. Not hatred, intolerance, bigotry or condemnation. Let he or she who is without sin cast the first stone.
Judge not lest ye be judged.......... unto the least of my brothers.
Jannie Anna-Lise
Reading the first couple of comments on here causes me to wonder if the people actually took time to read the letter. Read it again. There's no call for pity. There's no sorrow of being in the "arms of the flesh."
It expresses the joy, security, and contentment he has found in in accepting who he is completely and in his relationship. I should know...I wrote it.
I have to wonder, Sister Cynthia Parker, how these people you call "saints" warrant such an illustrious title, if they are so completely without sympathy and compassion and testify from the depths of their ignorance.
They sound more like "Pharisees" to me.
Non-discriminatory laws infer that the government can intervene into a private corporation or business and force them into hiring all classes of people. Trespassing laws keep undesirables off one's property that they choose not to associate with. By extension, a company or corporation has the same rights as individuals holding title to the company. As a private entity, it has the right to choose with whom it will associate and when. The 1st and 14th amendment intends that the property owner has rights of association, assembly, and speech in regards to his property, possessions, business, etc. This negates the hiring of certain classes of individuals if so desired. The government does not own a person or the extension; a company or corporation. Since 1964, the Civil Rights Act has allowed a 'slippery-slope' in this area to include all forms of behavior to be accepted by law. The emphasis on 'group rights' strips away individual rights. By implication, the government is stealing jurisdiction from individuals and their extensions of business.
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