Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Happy Holidays, Comrades!
Posted by Bruce VanWyngarden on Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 3:27 PM
Welp, ol' Bill O'Reilly has fired up his annual campaign against the mythical War on Christmas. He's like Linus, waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear. For 15 years, Bill has raged against the forces of evil, you know, the folks who say, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," like real Americans.
But some of his fellow patriots at Fox have found a new enemy: the Muppets. Yes, it's true, the Muppets are un-American. They teach our children to hate capitalism and the oil industry. On "Follow the Money," a business program, host Eric Bolling went off on the new Muppets movie, complaining that the villain's name, Tex Richman, was a not-so-subtle slam at the oil industry. Dan Gainor of the Media Research Center, took it a step farther: "It's amazing how far the left will go just to manipulate your kids, to convince them, give the anti-corporate message. They've been doing it for decades. Hollywood, the left, the media, they hate the oil industry. They hate corporate America."
Bastards.
First, liberals attack Christmas. Now the Muppets, a noted liberal cabal, are brain-washing our kids to hate corporations. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, if you ask me. I've got a few more questions for the Hollywood commies:
Why didn't Donald Duck wear pants? Who fathered Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Did Olive Oyl have Swee'pea out of wedlock? And what's the deal with Goofy? Is he a dog, and if so, how can HAVE a dog like Pluto? Man on dog? Dog on dog? What gives? C'mon, Fox. Step up your game.
Comments (6)
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I'd like for one of these Fox geniuses to acknowledge the fact that we, as a nation, have hijacked Christmas from the Christian holy day celebration and turned it into a massive secular spending spree. Nothing more, nothing less.
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Yeah, but since having come to this realization, the Christmas nonsense doesn't bother me like it used to. It really is a secular holiday here in the US contrary to what others may say. Sure there is the small 1 to 5% of the population that actually adhere to some dogmatic celebration and standards, but for everyone else it's a massive spending spree, along with a chance to make an ass of one's self at the company Christmas party.
I am not sure what part of the movie they were referring to. I hijacked several oil tankers after the muppets, but I was planning to do that anyways.
It's obvious the muppets are liberal commies. Look at Beaker and the Professor, advocating scientific "theories" that have yet to be proven by theology. Look at the Swedish chef - Sweden being a socialist hellhole, I bet he doesn't even have a Green Card and he certainly can't speak English, yet they give him a job. Piggy and Kermit advocate mixed species coupling. I think we all know what Bert and Ernie have been up to all these years, but has there ever been a television character more gay that Big Bird? Worst of all, Sam the bald eagle, symbol of America's greatness, is a pompous twit. Fox is merely pulling back the curtains on a liberal conspiracy that's been destroying America's youth for the last forty years, and about time, I say.
Being somewhat of an animation buff, I'm happy to tackle one or two of the questions Bruce raised in his great blog entry: Huey, Dewey, and Louie were three of the many ducklings conceived as a result of in-vitro fertilization through their mother, OctoMallard. Donald Duck refused to wear pants on the set because, as Disney insiders knew, was an egomaniac who derived pleasure from displaying his enormous "peking pump." And Swee'pea was indeed born out of wedlock: His biological father was singer David Crosby. But because of the lean times Popeye was facing when the royalty checks slowed, Swee'pea was reluctantly put up for adoption. He went on to have a happy childhood in the Malibu Hills, with his new parents Alice the Goon and Tammy Lynn Michaels.
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