I'm an out gay male in a stable relationship with another out guy, who I'll call Dave. We've been together nine months. Dave comes from a big family (three sisters, one brother) who are accepting and loving. I've been in relationships where I had to pretend to be a roommate. This is so much better, so much more liberating. I can actually enjoy being with Dave's family. My family is a different story. My father has never accepted the way I am. I hate going home, and I can't take Dave with me on those rare occasions when I do go home.
The other day, his brother texted me. I'll call him Todd. Todd asked me to come over because he had a surprise. Dave's birthday was coming up, so I thought it had something to do with that. It didn't.
Todd and I ended up having sex. He's in his early twenties and way hot, but I never thought he was anything but totally straight. He's got a girlfriend and he's always flirting with girls. I never got a vibe from him at all until his hands were all over me. Then I couldn't stop myself.
Now I feel horrible. I'm so ashamed. Todd is fine with it (he says he's been bi for years), but I've got this crushing guilt. I can't think straight. It's depressing the hell out of me. Dave has noticed, of course, and he wants to know what's wrong. I've got to confess, but I know it will ruin everything when I do.
Tearing My Hair Out
Boy, you really put your foot in it. Not only did you cheat, you cheated with your lover's younger brother. That's just low. Well, we're all human. Some of us are more human than others, but everybody makes mistakes. Some mistakes are honest mistakes and some are stupid mistakes. You made an honest mistake.
So don't make it worse by making a stupid mistake. You want to confess to make yourself feel better. In my opinion, that's more selfish and inconsiderate than screwing Dave's little brother. Not only will confession destroy your relationship with Dave, you destroy his relationship with his brother, and quite possibly ruin the entire family. You should have kept it in your pants in the first place. Now you want to take it out and wave it around for everybody to see.
Don't. Just don't.
This is something you've got to learn to live with. This is something you have to take to your grave. You're miserable now, but that feeling will pass in time and eventually you'll get over it. If guilt is still consuming you a month from today, then go talk to a priest. Meanwhile, steer clear of Todd.
Got a question? Jack Waggon will set you straight: firstname.lastname@example.org