Thursday, July 7, 2011

What Goes Around ...

Posted on Thu, Jul 7, 2011 at 8:40 AM

Dear Jack,

I recently found out that my longtime boyfriend has been cheating on me. I won’t go into the details of how I found out, because it’s rather pathetic. I know he’s not in love with her without even having to ask. She’s the proverbial low-hanging fruit that only a saint or a eunuch could pass up. I was, however, surprised how well I took it. Though I was angry, after about three days my anger just seemed to pass, leaving me shrugging.

Being somewhat attractive, I have never had a shortage of men expressing interest in me. Lately I have considered whether I should see what life has to offer. However, I have no interest at all in trying to do this on the sly. I’m not a very good liar and I hate the thought of sneaking around. I’ve been thinking about proposing an open relationship with my boyfriend. He can date who he likes, while I date who I like.

I still love him dearly, but if he’s going to raid the neighbor’s orchard, there’s no reason why I can’t take a walk through the vegetable patch. Right?

Signed,

Hungry for Something Different

Dear Hungry,

I had a similar arrangement with one of my wives – I don’t remember which. One day I caught her taking flute lessons from a man who wasn’t a flutist. When I dared to protest, she proceeded to explain that what was good for the gander was good enough for the goose.

She had known all along about my marital infidelities and had thus engaged in a series of her own, but I was so self-absorbed and, frankly, clueless, I didn’t notice. If not for a power outage at work, I would never have found out what she was up to.

We agreed to give the swinger lifestyle a try, dating whomever we wanted, as long as we always put each other first – no bailing out on nights or weekends together to be with someone else. It worked wonderfully, until one day she said she wanted to go back to a monogamous marriage – only not with me.

If you want my advice, and obviously you do, I’d skip the open relationship. Nothing easy is worth doing. When you make the initial offer of an open relationship, he’s going to say yes. Hell yes, in fact, followed by a fist pump. Then he’s going to tell his friends. Then his friends are going to call you up, and everything will proceed to fall apart.

Be an honest sneak, or just leave him and find someone new. How many times a day do you have to remind yourself that you still love him? Maybe it’s time to move on.

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