by James Busbee
omewhere in
the middle of my fifth Corona of the evening, while smoking a Cuban cigar
and looking out over the azure Gulf of Mexico, I decided that Cancun, Mexico,
is one hell of a fine vacation spot.
Sure, it's a tourist trap, albeit an efficiently run one. "Culture" in Cancun basically stops at calling American soft drinks "refrescos." There are a few standard-issue Mayan ruins, but Cancun isn't about the past. It's about the eternal present, a never-ending party where the tequila flows freely and the Gulf breezes are always warm. For an easy getaway (with direct flights from Memphis) that's a tad more exotic than Florida's Redneck Riviera, Cancun's worth a trip.
Twenty
years ago, Cancun was a sleepy Yucatan Peninsula town with nothing to offer
but sugar-white beaches bounded by miles of jungle. The Mexican government
then spent millions of dollars to transform Cancun into a vacation and convention
mecca. The hotel district, where most of the action takes place, is a "7"-shaped
island bordered on the east by the Gulf of Mexico and on the west by Nichupté
Lagoon. The district is about 10 miles long, but only two blocks wide, meaning
virtually every hotel room on the island has a view of water. Cancun offers
thousands of rooms in all price ranges, and most hotels are full-service
establishments, exchanging currency, setting up tours, and offering recommendations
on restaurants and activities.
If you go, do not miss the Jungle Tour, in which you drive a Jet Ski across the lagoon and through the jungle to a secluded snorkeling reef. Other tours include a visit to Mayan ruins about a hundred miles from Cancun, an actual bullfight, and an all-you-can-drink "Booze Cruise" on the high seas of the Gulf.
Cancun establishments accept either dollars or pesos. The going exchange rate is about 7.8 pesos to the dollar. However, some credit card companies offer a rate as high as 8.5 pesos to the dollar. For a week-long vacation, the slight difference can mean a savings of $100 or more.
Prices in Cancun are remarkably cheap for a vacation spot, meaning you can expect to pay about as much for food and drinks there as here. All-you-can-eat brunch buffets are $5; beer is often a buck a bottle. However, stay away from lobster (25 bucks a pop at even the cheapest restaurants) and imported liquor, for which you'll pay premium prices. And for heaven's sake, try to avoid calling the States -- a two-minute check of my voice mail cost me more than 10 bucks.
All the usual restaurant franchises have set up shop in Cancun -- the Hard Rock Cafe, Planet Hollywood, and the All-Star Cafe, and, on a lower rung, McDonald's, Domino's, et. al. I'd sworn that I wouldn't go to one of these places on principle alone, but even in paradise they worked their evil mojo on me and, in moments of weakness, I bought Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. In Cancun, though, you can be the Ugly American without remorse.
Fortunately, Cancun has many fine restaurant/nightclubs that you can't find on Germantown Parkway. Señor Frog's is one of the most famous, with good reason. In this neon-lit, deafening restaurant on the edge of the lagoon, you can expect your dinner to be interrupted several times with conga lines, free tequila, and popcorn-throwing brawls. The waiters are a show unto themselves -- at Señor Frog's, we watched one serve a young woman a Jell-O shooter by straddling her and dumping the Jell-O from a cup in his mouth into hers, ending in a liplock. It's a story I'd bet her boyfriend back home didn't hear.
The island has dozens of similar establishments, many of which offer live shows as part of the deal. For a more romantic dinner, check out Bogart's, a restaurant modeled on Humphrey Bogart's Rick's Cafe American in Casablanca. Even here, a fine meal with wine costs less than $90. My wife liked this restaurant the best; me, I wanted to see if Señor Frog's was taking applications for waiters.
Cancun also has the finest bus service I've seen anywhere. The fare is three pesos (about 40 cents), no matter how far you're going, and the bus runs 24 hours a day. Since Cancun's hotel district is one long boulevard, it's tough to get lost.
If you're so inclined, pick up a Cuban cigar, illegal in the U.S. but perfectly legit south of the border. You could easily spend $50-plus on a single smoke, so if you're just looking to see what all the fuss is about, find a $15 Punch or Cohiba and puff away. Just don't try to sneak them back into the country, as everyone is questioned and, possibly, searched coming back through customs.
Since Americans tend to be easy marks for con men of all stripes, you shouldn't get too comfortable in Cancun. First and foremost, beware of timeshare hawkers. Timeshares are properties in which you invest vast sums of money and, theoretically, always have a place to stay in Cancun. In order to attract customers, timeshare "agents" offer incredibly cheap deals on the major tour packages or dinners, but there's a catch -- you've got to listen to a hard-core sales pitch that can last as long as six hours.
Also, although Cancun has the finest water-purification system in Mexico -- well, how to put this? It's still a water-purification system in Mexico. Most hotels have their own purified water, and restaurants supply bottled water on request. Always stay hydrated, but if you've a tender stomach, make sure you know where your water came from.
Cancun is, in many ways, the ideal American vacation spot. Although Spanish is predominant, virtually everyone in Cancun also speaks English. The island has breathtaking natural beauty, inexpensive meals and activities, and enough familiar landmarks to make us spoiled Americans feel right at home.
Should you go to Cancun, be certain to take plenty of pictures. After all, if you do up Cancun's nightlife right, you'll need them to piece together exactly what you did.
There are several package tours offered to Cancun; call a travel agent for further details.