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thursday, august 14

And I thought the story about the flaming gerbil shooting out of the guy's rectum and breaking his boyfriend's nose was a weird one. Well, I guess it was, actually. But here's another true story that I thought might interest those who are truly bored, miserable creatures who thrive on the tragedy of others. It's about a family in Shiloh, and was reported in The Courier, the newspaper for Savannah and Hardin County, Tennessee. It's about a woman whose name, if you can believe it, is really Virginia Hamm, a named used for decades by female impersonators everywhere. It seems that Virginia was married to a man named August Zandi, 30 years her senior. They adopted a foster child, Robert, when he was 6, and later another child, Andy Hamm, when he was 17. Wondering why Virginia goes by the name of Hamm instead of Zandi? Just wait. It seems that Robert was always a mean and cold child, never acknowledging Mother's Day or Virginia's birthday. When Andy came, he was a starved and abused religious fanatic who loved Elvis. He was the child of an alcoholic mother, and had a weird jaw because of poor prenatal care. And he weighed only 80 pounds because all he had to eat was grass, and beer out of old bottles thrown in the yard. Everything but the hounds snapping at his heels. But he gained some weight and decided he wanted to be a preacher and an Elvis impersonator. So he used his adoptive father's last name as a stage name, Andy Zandi, because he liked the way it rhymed, and used it when he held gospel meetings at home, arranging chairs and a pulpit, and preaching his heart out to sometimes one or two people and sometimes no one at all. He also used it when he dressed in the bejeweled outfits he made for himself to entertain as an Elvis impersonator in local clubs. Just what kind of clubs they have in Shiloh, I'm not sure, but I'd bet my copy of Mommie Dearest that it was far from a pretty sight. And it wouldn't surprise me to learn that he preached in those outfits as well. Poor little grass-eatin' thing, standing in the backyard at a makeshift pulpit dressed in a purple jumpsuit preaching like nobody's business all by himself. But that's not the worst part. Sixteen years ago, August divorced Virginia, and in what the paper says was "a bizarre turn of circumstances" (duh), Virginia married Andy. So this leaves Virginia (now Virginia Hamm) and her son who's now her husband, and her other son Robert, now Andy's adoptive brother and stepfather, all living in a trailer together, and Robert hates Andy. Always has. Never liked the boy's looks. He just couldn't stand looking at that jaw, I guess. Well, one night Andy was outside the trailer trying to help a friend of his start a noisy old pickup truck. It woke Robert up, so he went outside to get them to hush up. Virginia heard Andy walk outside and the next thing she heard was three gunshots. After that, Andy came back in and said that Robert was going to have to leave "because he couldn't have any friends over because of him." They all got to fighting about it in the trailer, and when Virginia told Robert that he would indeed have to leave, he turned around and bam -- shot Andy in the chest with a deer rifle. Said Virginia to The Courier, "I was shocked and hurt. There wasn't much blood, just a hole in Andy's chest. He died in my arms." She didn't say whether he was dressed as Elvis at the time. That was in December 1995. Today, Virginia is coping with the tragedy by playing guitar and accordion in a group that goes around singing gospel music in nursing homes, and feels blessed because the whole thing made her closer to God. My, my. Next week, the tragic story of Ms. Marilyn Crabcakes. Just kidding. And all the best to Virginia after all she's been through. Whew. But on to more urgent matters at hand, like what the hell's going on in this crazy town this week. Today's Court Square Tunes at Noon concert series features live music by Sternwheel Drive. Tonight's Brooks Arts in the Evening Series at Memphis Brooks Museum of Art features a live show by the Memphis Sheiks, followed by a showing of The Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon as the background soundtrack. Acid, anyone? And while I don't have space to list all of the various Elvis Week events going on this week, I highly recommend seeing Elvis Herselvis and Her Straight White Males at Automatic Slim's tonight. I saw her last year, and, well, just go. Or you might also want to catch El Vez at Blues City Cafe, or see a rare appearance by none other than Jerry Lee Lewis at B.B. King's Blues Club, with opening act Cadillac Cowgirl and Her Show Chicken. And last but not least, Johnny Rivers is playing tonight and tomorrow night at Elvis Presley's Memphis.

friday, august 15

For those not out Elvising, there are two art openings tonight, one at Cooper Street Gallery for an exhibit of works by Tom Lee; the other is at Lisa Kurts Gallery for a Raymond Kleinlein exhibit. For the best meal you're likely to have in some time, tonight's Julia Child Commemorative Dinner features Chef Jose Gutierrez preparing a lush five-course meal at Chez Philippe in honor of Julia's 85th birthday, with proceeds benefitting the Julia Child Endowment Fund for culinary education. Down at Sam's Town, the fabulous Dionne Warwick is in concert (maybe she'll gamble and win enough money to get out of that psychic hotline business). Back in Memphis, it is, of course, Elvis week. Tonight's highlights: Jason D. Williams at Blues City Cafe, El Vez at Newby's, and, one of the highlights of the week, the Annual Candlelight Vigil at Graceland.

saturday, august 16

Two more art functions today: One is an open house at Madison Avenue Art Gallery for a group of artists whose work is currently on display; the other is a closing reception at Memphis College of Art for "Patty Carroll's Ultimate Elvis Impersonator Extravaganza." Back down in Tunica, the Amazing Rhythm Aces are playing a free concert at Fitzgeralds Casino. And back at Elvis Presley's Memphis, Leon Russell is in concert. Also tonight is perhaps Graceland's biggest event yet: Elvis in Concert '97 at the Mid-South Coliseum is a huge extravaganza that will feature Elvis' former musicians performing live with the King via video technology. It should be almost like having Elvis there himself, and should be quite a show.

sunday, august 17

And there's yet one more art happening today, a reception at Playhouse on the Square's Memphis Room for an exhibition of works by Tsira Kalandadzes. And sad as it is, today is the last day of Elvis Week. There are a few things still going on, but I'm running out of space and you'll have to consult the regular events listings.

monday, august 18

If you want to drive a dream car and help out a worthy cause at the same time, go to Roadshow BMW today, test-drive any of their cool new cars, and BMW will donate $1 for each mile to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

tuesday, august 19

Not a clue.

wednesday, august 20

A clue. Tonight kicks off Past (Ten)Se: A Decade of Project:Motion at Theatre-works, a five-night show in which the modern-dance group, Project:Motion, will perform highlights from its past 10 years. Other than that, you're on your own. Of course, I really don't care what you do, because I don't even know you, and unless you can prove to me that it was an auditory hallucination when I heard Celine Dion doing a cover of a Patti LaBelle song on the radio the other day, I'm sure I don't want to know you. Besides, it's time for me to blow this dump and go play my Neil Diamond tape. "Shiloh" will have a whole new meaning.