by Tim Sampson thursday, august 12 Don't think it went unnoticed when The Commercial Appeal ran an article and photo a couple of weeks ago about three Memphis women and one Germantown woman who got together and skipped their bridge game to go to Little Rock for an anti-Hillary Clinton, pro-Rudy Giuliani protest in front of the Arkansas governor's mansion. It seems that he was there on a mock listening tour to make fun of the First Lady, and these women from Memphis found it necessary to go over there and stand around, even though they never got to see him. If that weren't repugnant enough, they actually referred to themselves as the "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy." And if that weren't embarrassing enough, they stood out there -- alone, except for one other person who also apparently has no life -- holding signs. One sign was a white poster board with Hillary's name crossed out by the universal "no" circle. Very original. The other -- now, bear in mind that the woman was actually standing out there holding this in her hand for all the world to see -- was a cut-out razorback pig emblazoned with the phrase "Hogs Against Hillary." Yes, allow me to repeat that: "Hogs Against Hillary." My question to the genius carrying this sign is, Do hogs really have opinions about politics? Or are you the hog against Hillary? If so, that would make you a hog who gave up its bridge game to drive to Little Rock and tell the world that you are a hog, a right-wing hog, who is against the smartest woman to come along in politics in many years. But everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and that is just one of the many things that makes America a wonderful place. Unless, that is, you're not a hog and you like Hillary Clinton and you have to be subjected to this kind of crap. But as I've said many times on this page, I really can't be bothered with politics anymore. It is simply way too tiresome. It is difficult enough to make it through any given day without having to worry about that, too. Like the other day when I had to wait in line for what seemed like hours at the bank. A man walked up to the teller and said he wanted to open a "damn checking account." The teller, taken aback, said, "Sir, I must have misunderstood you. What was that you said?" To which he replied, "I said I want to open a damn checking account!" Even more taken aback, the teller replied, "Sir, I'm sorry but I really don't appreciate you using language like that with me." So the man asked to see the manager. When the manager came over and asked what was the trouble, the man steamed, "I want to open a f-ing checking account and I can't get any help!" The manager, standing next to the teller and shocked at what was going on, asked the man to please repeat himself. "I just won a $90-million lottery, and I want to open a damn checking account." "Oh," the manager said, nodding toward the teller. "Is this bitch giving you a hard time?" Okay, okay. I know. I'm sinking fast. Stealing jokes sent to me via e-mail. But you try writing this every week and see what it's like. At any rate, I'll stop rambling on about nothing -- unfortunately, my lot in life -- and get on to the real point of all this: what's going on around town this week. Today, as we are in the full-fledged midst of Elvis Week, there are several Elvis-themed things going on. Actually, there are too many to mention them all, so here are just a few: The Stamps Reunion Concert: A Tribute to Elvis and J.D. Sumner at The Orpheum features former members of J.D. Sumner & the Stamps Quartet. There's a Humes Sock Hop at Humes High School with Elvis' Army sergeant as special guest. You can take an Elvis Moonlight Cruise down the Mississippi on a riverboat. Down at the Grand Casino in Tunica there's a Tribute to Elvis with Terry Mike Jeffrey, the Jordanaires, and the Bouffants. And, of course, the Images of Elvis Impersonators Contest is underway at the Sheraton Four Points Hotel. If you're not into the Elvis fever, Little Richard is at the Horseshoe Casino tonight; Reba Russell is playing at the Black Diamond on Beale; the 5 That Framed OJ are up on The Peabody's Plantation Rooftop for the Sunset Serenade party; and Jungle Room is playing at the coolest little club in town, In The Grove. friday, august 13 A few openings tonight: How I Learned to Drive opens at Circuit Playhouse. There's an opening reception at Lisa Kurts Gallery for an exhibit by Jillian Banks. And 10-30-50 at Cooper Street Gallery celebrates its 10th anniversary, the 30th anniversary of owner Jay Etkin's beard, and his 50th birthday; includes music, art, and refreshments. Down in Tunica, Ronnie McDowell is at the Horseshoe Casino, and Kenny Chesney is at Sam's Town. Back in town, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is the Orpheum Summer Movie Series feature. There's a Sun Studio Block Party on the street in front of Sun Studio, with Billy Swan and several other bands. And just around the corner, the Nancy Apple Band is at Kudzu's. saturday, august 14 If you haven't made it to any other Elvis event, do make it to the finals tonight of the Images of Elvis Impersonators Contest at the Sheraton. Chislers, Silverado, and the Wanderers are at Barristers tonight; at the South End, there's live music by Neckbones, Geraldine, New Memphis Legs, ed, Lost Sounds, and '68 Comeback; and those wild boys, the Dempseys, are at Elvis Presley's Memphis. sunday, august 15 With today ending Elvis Week, there are plenty of things to do to wind up the party. Back at Elvis Presley's Memphis, there's a Gospel Brunch with music by the Jordanaires and Terry Mike Jeffrey. John El, the Disco Elvis is at Newby's tonight with the Shake Your Booty Band and the Mystery Train Dancers; party also includes a Priscilla lookalike contest, a midnight candlelight vigil, and free sideburns to the first 100 guests. And last but certainly not least, the real Candlelight Vigil starts at 9 p.m. at Graceland, where you can walk with your lighted candle past Elvis' gravesite. monday, august 16 Doktor Lazlo, Swamp Guru and Master of All Things Unthinkable at The Map Room. tuesday, august 17 If you feel like eating Chinese food tonight, by all means do so at Wang's Mandarin House, where you can hear the lovely Di Anne Price playing the piano and singing her heart out. wednesday, august 18 I haven't a clue and I'm out of space, so you're on your own. Which is fine with me. As always, I don't care what you do this week, because I don't even know you, and unless you have a glass eye and like to tap on it with a pen when talking to people who are upset about something, I doubt that I ever want to meet you. Besides, it's time for me to blow this maggot ranch and go drive past J. Wagg's to see the Drag Queen CrossWalk sign. Please, don't ever take it down.