Fool's Gold An ancient fable for modern times. by BILL STEINBERG o better understand the aberrations of our modern society, it may be enlightening to look back upon a story from truly ancient days. The scene is medieval Britain. The year doesn't really matter. We are in the Merlinesque laboratory of an alchemist named George. Prior to his current occupational goal of turning base metals into pure gold, he was a renowned magician of sorts. Before that, he was rumored to be a horse trader. Now to hear George tell it, all metals are formed from only two substances: "metallic earth" and a reddish-hued inflammable substance referred to as "sulfur." The pure combination of these two elements, according to George, yielded gold. All other metals were contaminated with a variety of foreign ingredients. By neutralizing the unwanted impurities in base metals like copper, iron, and tin, George believed he could restore them to their original state as precious undiluted gold. It was a compelling and seductive spiel. "The Philosopher's Stone," one of George's prized possessions, was purported to be the actual device that allowed him to remove the impurities found in common metals. Other alchemists throughout the land also claimed to have the real stone, but when pressed, George cleverly insinuated that there was a lot of fraudulent behavior going on in this day and age and that his competitors were not to be trusted. Most dramatic of all was George's pyrotechnic sound and light show, wherein he used the stone to turn small ingots of lead and copper into a scattered pile of metal shavings, which included a fair amount of tiny granules of pure gold. It was during one such performance that George secured the financial backing of an infamous nobleman, Lord Cecil. This man thought nothing of killing one of his starving serfs on the spot just upon the unsubstantiated accusation of food theft. It was also rumored that he killed his wife in a fit of jealous rage by throwing her down the steep castle steps, even though publicly it was portrayed as an accidental death. It is unclear whether George's roots in alchemy sprung from a truly errant philosophy, or whether he was just a very clever charlatan. Possibly it was a combination of both. But by the time he met Lord Cecil, his professional set-up was quite impressive. Perhaps more important, he had the "people skills" to relate to the greedy tyrant. George, showing no fear, not only entertained the man, he made him feel understood as a person. To make a long story short, Lord Cecil's exclusive financial sponsorship of the alchemist lasted almost two years. There were some fantastic ups and downs between the two men. But as you can imagine, after all possible and plausible excuses had been exhausted by the alchemist, George failed to produce the promised large quantities of gold. He was into this business deal way over his head. It was during a fateful drought-induced crop failure that Lord Cecil ran into a serious cash-flow problem. He began drinking heavily, which caused his outlook on life to deteriorate even more. The wretched nobleman was a classic case of a man who would rather blame someone else than take responsibility for his actions. One evening, upon hearing a rumor that the alchemist was plotting to flee to the continent, Lord Cecil rode to George's laboratory and killed him with a massive sword blow to the neck. The small ingot of gold that George had attempted to present to Lord Cecil in order to stave off the attack was left on the floor in a pool of fresh blood. Perhaps in despair, perhaps in horror at the realization of what he had done, Lord Cecil then turned the sword on himself. It was not so many days ago in nearby Atlanta, Georgia, that a man, with illusions of grandeur and a track record of cruelty to others, decided to settle the score with the people he perceived to be his failed alchemists. He, too, had pursued an irresistible "get rich quick" strategy in vain. He too, paid the price. William I. Steinberg, CFP is an advisory associate at the Memphis financial planning firm of Kelman-Lazarov, Inc. His e-mail address is bill@kelman-lazarov.com.