Fashion Mistakes of the Millennium 1. The use of arsenic in the 10th through 19th centuries for the promotion of that delicate, feminine, lily-white complexion. It was a look that said “lady of leisure” or, sometimes, “I’m dead.” 2. Nylon pantyhose. Cold in the winter, hot in the summer, and always itchy. 3. Foot-binding. Fortunately, this ancient Chinese tradition nevered gained a toe-hold in the Western World. 4. Mullet haircuts. We say make up your mind: either cut your hair short or grow it all long. A special dishonorable mention to those braided rattails we used to see so much of in the 1980s. 5. The codpiece. Originally used to protect a man’s delicate organs, but later used to call attention to them and to suggest that they are of an unnaturally large size. Always tacky, whether on a Shakespearean actor or Ted Nugent. 6. Bullet bras. See above. 7. Suits of armor. Also, anything made of chain mail, especially when worn by Cher. 8. Culottes. Either wear a real skirt or wear shorts. Also, they make your thighs look fat. 9. Hoop skirts and their cousin, the bustle. One reason women should be glad they were born in the 20th century, even if they have to wear pantyhose. 10. High-heeled sneakers. Also, those platform shoes with the goldfish in them. 11. Powdered wigs. Fake hair is bad enough, why make it worse with talcum? 12. Tongue piercing. Eyebrow piercing. Nipple piercing. Piercing anywhere, for that matter, except the earlobes, where God intended piercing to happen. 13. Wimples. High fashion for nuns, but they never worked, even for Sally Field. Monks have also made their share of fashion faux pas. Like hair shirts, and the tonsure haircut. Why would you want to make yourself look bald if you’re not? 14. Neckties. They reduce circulation to the brain and serve no purpose, unless it’s to keep men stupid and help women take over the world. 15. Corsets. Again, anything that prevents you from breathing has to be a “Glamour Don’t.” 16. Any tattoo that contains the name of one’s current paramour, or current NBA team. 17. Those neck rings women in Burma and parts of Africa use to gradually elongate their neck. And they are sure to lead to “floppy head” syndrome once they’re removed. 18. Acid wash. We could extend this to any pre-faded, pre-worn, pre-worn-out clothes. Which means the elimination of Abercrombie & Fitch. 19. Wooden shoes. Concept only works if you can find some bark socks. 20. Home permanents.