A Dozen Reasons Why Memphis Actor Chris Ellis is the Greatest Thing that Ever Happened
3 of 13
(showing full size)
Herman Goering's name came up a couple of days ago when we were talking about Robert E Lee, but it might have come up when we were talking about Elvis Presley, if Elvis had been not only a bloated drug addict, but the #Zwei Nazi and a transvestite as well. Goering's steady diet of morphine and peanut butter and banana sandwiches deep fried in butter would have finished him off in good time had not he been captured by the Americans in 1945. At the time of his arrest, he was 350 pounds of capacious muumuu and pink fuzzy bunny slippers. He was wearing eyeshadow, pancake make-up and lip gloss, and his nails were lacquered blood red, peradventure with human blood. He kept them so during his confinement until some downer of an Allied gaoler confiscated not only his nail polish, but his entire Clinique line. EXCEPT FOR HIS MOISTURIZER. Now there's hard time and then there's Nuremberg, but I think we all agree that not even genocidal war criminals ought to be separated from their skin cream. It was in this vouchsafed tin of Jergen's lotion that he had secreted the Nazi sine qua non, one last capsule of cyanide, just in case. Hours before he was set to swing, on October 15, 1946, he swallowed the cyanide capsule, thereby eluding the hangman. But his skin was so soft.