Bianca Knows Best ... And Builds Self-Esteem! 

Dear Bianca

I have some really hot girlfriends. They're skinny. They have great hair, the works. Every Saturday night, they're fending off cat-calls and pick-up lines left and right.

It's great for them. Not so much for me. I'm short, chubby, and I have bad skin. So naturally, no guy is going to hit on me when I'm surrounded by beautiful girls. What can I do to make guys notice me when I'm out with my girlfriends? Or should I just make some uglier friends?

-- Ugly and Lonely

Dear Ugly (er, oops... sorry)

I have a handful of attractive friends but an even larger group of overweight, plain-Jane pals. I've noticed that quite a few of the heftier girls get more action than the ones who are stereotypically hot.

It puzzled me at first, but I think I've figured out why. It's more about self-esteem than what is on the outside. Many of my skinnier friends think they're fat (even though they're stick thin), and even though others look at them and see beauty queens, they don't look at themselves that way.

On the other hand, some of my stereotypically unattractive friends carry themselves with confidence, and it shows. Guys are attracted to a woman who handles herself with poise and self-assurance.

So you can go on a diet or see a dermatologist if that makes you feel better, but if you don't take care of what's inside, appearances alone will never get you laid -- at least not by anyone you'd want. Start by making a list of all your good qualities. For example, can you sing or cook? Are you super smart or uber-witty?

Then try looking at yourself in the mirror, while thinking about all those good qualities. Try to see your inner beauty from the outside.

And the next time you go out with your friends, think about how awesome you are, all night long. People will notice, and you may just find that date you've been looking for.

Got a problem? Bianca can solve it. Send advice queries to bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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