My husband of 10 years has cheated on me numerous times. He confessed his transgressions to me last year, and though I was pretty upset, I decided to stay and try to work things out. We agreed to open up our relationship, so I could "cheat" too.
But I have no desire to sleep with anyone else and unfortunately, well, he can't stop. I found out about another incident that happened a few months ago, and though I'm supposed to be accepting since we agreed on a polyamorous relationship, I'm really just jealous and hurt.
I'm considering getting a divorce, but since we agreed upon the open relationship, I feel like I'm in the wrong for breaking things off. I guess I'm also just scared to be alone after all these years. What should I do?
-- Against Free Love
Dear Against Free Love,
What are you? A doormat? Cause that's what it sounds like. This jerkwad cheated on you "numerous times" and now you feel bad for being jealous. Sounds like somebody needs a self-esteem boost.
It's likely the only reason you agreed on an open relationship is because you were scared to leave him after the first round of incidents. Open relationships only work when both parties are interested in being polyamorous. You have to be open, honest, and very trusting.
In most cases, open relationships don't work out, especially when the relationship is built on a lie in the first place. Since your husband lied to you for years about his cheating, how can you trust him in an open relationship?
You need to march down to the courthouse and start filing your divorce papers. It won't be easy adjusting to single life after all those years of marriage. But over time, you'll be just fine.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Exactly seven years ago this week, I wrote a column decrying a proposal by city engineers to turn the Overton Park Greensward into an 18-foot-deep "detention basin" designed to stop flooding in Midtown. The engineers claimed we'd hardly notice the football-field-sized bowl. "Except," I wrote then, "when it rains hard, at which time, users of Overton Park would probably notice a large, 18-foot-deep lake in the Greensward. Or afterward, a large, muddy, trash-filled depression."