Bianca Knows Best 

Dear Bianca,

For most of my childhood, my mother was unhappy in her relationship with my father. She expressed a strong desire to divorce him on three separate occasions -- I was 12, 19, and 25 years old.

I am now almost 28, and my mother just recently told me that she and my father have reconciled and now think of each other as close friends. I must still be numb from my childhood experience of their marital discord, because instead of happiness, I feel anger.

I hide my anger from them, but I think that it creeps out sometimes when I am tired and I get short with them. I want to forgive and move on. I want to be happy for them. How do I deal with all of the emotional baggage about their relationship that I have accumulated over the years?

- Confused Child of A Now Happy Couple

Dear Confused,

Is it possible that this now-happy relationship is only temporary? Your mother has been near divorce several times, but each time, she and your father must have made up, because they apparently stuck it out this far.

I'd approach the situation with some caution, as you don't want to get too comfortable, in case something causes your mom and dad to fall apart again.

But on the other hand, you need to hide your skepticism and resentment from them or else it could put extra strain on their potentially fragile relationship.

So plan a few fun activities with your parents to get to know them as a happy couple. Take them to the Botanic Gardens for a family picnic or schedule a dinner date for the three of you. If you have siblings who are also questioning mom and dad's suddenly blissful marriage, you may want to invite them along.

After spending quality time with the 'rents, you'll have a better understanding of where their current relationship stands. If they truly seem happy, congratulate them and try your best to accept their newfound love.

If they still seem strained, just hold your tongue. Vent your frustrations in a poem or painting. But don't butt in Dr. Laura-style. They'll figure it out in their own time. And if mom and dad choose to stick together despite their repeated cycle of unhappiness, that's their problem, not yours.

Got a problem? Bianca can solve it ... or least give you crappy advice that you can choose to ignore. Send advice queries to


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

    • The “Fake News”

      Trump’s vilification of the media sounds familiar.
    • Twitter Diplomacy

      Misinformation, 140 characters at a time, is no way to conduct economic and trade policy.
    • Marketing Fear

      The Memphis Police Association is right to want its members’ benefits restored; it is wrong to use scare tactics.


Tiger Blue

#15 Cincinnati 87, Tigers 74

Fly On The Wall Blog

Conservatives Have an Identity Problem. It's Called Their Identity

News Blog

Start Seeing Trolleys (But Not Ride Them)

Hungry Memphis

All-day Breakfast Bar, More, Planned for S. Main

News Blog

Memphis Pets of the Week (Feb. 23-March 1)

Hungry Memphis

Popper Throwdown Set for March 25

Music Blog

Beale Street Music Fest Announces 2017 Lineup


More by Bianca Phillips

Readers also liked…

  • A Letter to the Memphis City Council

    The council gets an “F” for its performance on the Greensward decision.
    • Mar 10, 2016
  • Pay the Band

    Why we should be supporting proposed national music initiatives in Congress.
    • Aug 10, 2015
  • Memphis’ Central Park

    The Memphis Zoo/Overton Park controversy is really about the right of Memphians to craft their environment.
    • Feb 4, 2016
© 1996-2017

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation