Bianca Knows Best 

Dear Bianca,

For most of my childhood, my mother was unhappy in her relationship with my father. She expressed a strong desire to divorce him on three separate occasions -- I was 12, 19, and 25 years old.

I am now almost 28, and my mother just recently told me that she and my father have reconciled and now think of each other as close friends. I must still be numb from my childhood experience of their marital discord, because instead of happiness, I feel anger.

I hide my anger from them, but I think that it creeps out sometimes when I am tired and I get short with them. I want to forgive and move on. I want to be happy for them. How do I deal with all of the emotional baggage about their relationship that I have accumulated over the years?

- Confused Child of A Now Happy Couple

Dear Confused,

Is it possible that this now-happy relationship is only temporary? Your mother has been near divorce several times, but each time, she and your father must have made up, because they apparently stuck it out this far.

I'd approach the situation with some caution, as you don't want to get too comfortable, in case something causes your mom and dad to fall apart again.

But on the other hand, you need to hide your skepticism and resentment from them or else it could put extra strain on their potentially fragile relationship.

So plan a few fun activities with your parents to get to know them as a happy couple. Take them to the Botanic Gardens for a family picnic or schedule a dinner date for the three of you. If you have siblings who are also questioning mom and dad's suddenly blissful marriage, you may want to invite them along.

After spending quality time with the 'rents, you'll have a better understanding of where their current relationship stands. If they truly seem happy, congratulate them and try your best to accept their newfound love.

If they still seem strained, just hold your tongue. Vent your frustrations in a poem or painting. But don't butt in Dr. Laura-style. They'll figure it out in their own time. And if mom and dad choose to stick together despite their repeated cycle of unhappiness, that's their problem, not yours.

Got a problem? Bianca can solve it ... or least give you crappy advice that you can choose to ignore. Send advice queries to bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
    • Southern Democrats: Down, Not Dead

      Recent published obituaries to the contrary, the Democratic Party in the South is live and kicking, and can still rise again.
    • Dividing by Zero

      Why the Fairgrounds and Graceland Hotel Projects fail common sense.
    • Playing the Bike Card

      Sometimes the path to racism isn’t easy to find — or even there.

Blogs

&tcetera

Literacy Mid-South's Choice Picks

Beyond the Arc

Grizzlies 117, Spurs 116

Tiger Blue

Tigers 83, USC Upstate 73

Hungry Memphis

Raw Girls Launches Food Truck

News Blog

Candidates Sought For Council Vacancy

Calling the Bluff

Don Trip is a "Man on the Moon"

News Blog

Riverside Drive Bike Lane Named In Top 10 List

News Blog

Memphis' Logan Guleff Wins MasterChef Junior

Calling the Bluff

Starlito Connects with Don Trip, Yo Gotti for New Track

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Bianca Phillips

ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2014

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Memphis Business Quarterly
Powered by Foundation