I've been with my girlfriend now for about six months, and since my lease is about to run out at my apartment, she's asked me to move in with her.
There's just one problem: She has six cats. I'm not allergic or anything. I'm just not that into pets. I could probably deal with one cat, but I refuse to share my space with six fuzzy, four-legged creatures.
I haven't told her how I feel about this yet. I'm scared she'll think I'm trying to make her get rid of her "babies" (that's what she calls them). But shouldn't she care more about living with me than living with six animals who require constant attention? They can't even help with rent.
I want her to find new homes for at least five of the cats before I'll move in. How should I break this to her gently?
-- The Crazy Cat Lady's Boyfriend
Dear Crazy Cat Ladys Boyfriend,
You are a selfish a-hole. That's right. I'm calling you out on this one. You cannot ask a cat person to give up her cats. It'd be like asking a breeder to give their children up for adoption. Cat people view their cats as their children. They love them just as much as if they'd come out of their own birth canals.
You've only been dating this woman for six months. How do you know this relationship will even last? Imagine how crushed she'd be if she gave her cats away to please you, and then a few months later, you call it quits.
She's left without a boyfriend or a soft kitty to cry on. Since you're not a cat person, you wouldn't know anything about the emotional relief pets provide in times of sadness and grief.
If you really love your girlfriend, you'll put with those cats and you'll learn to love them too. There's an old expression that says, "Who loves me will love my dog also." The same should apply to felines (or rabbits or hamsters or, well, you get what I'm trying to say).
If you can't learn to love her fuzzy babies, maybe your relationship wasn't mean to be.
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Which leads me to put on my Dr. Phil face and say what has to be said: It's time for Memphis and Shelby County to start seeing other people. We've tried for years to patch things up, to come to some sort of mutual understanding, but we need to admit that we have irreconcilable differences. We don't even know each other any more ...