Fly on the Wall 

Sea-Span

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Numerous sources have reported sightings of a manatee -- an endangered aquatic mammal sometimes called a sea cow -- swimming in the Mississippi River near Memphis, over 500 miles away from its natural habitat. Animal-protection groups have been trying to decide what action would be appropriate to insure the animal's safety.
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Others have voiced serious concerns that what has been described by experts as a 1,500-pound manatee may actually be Denny Hastert, Speaker of the House, attempting to find peace and quiet in the midst of several scandals in Washington, D.C.

Civic Dootie

According to The Tennessean, Memphis isn't just the murder capital of Tennessee, it's also the early voting capital. First day turnout was down 20 percent in Knox County and down over 50 percent in Davidson County. In Shelby County, over 8,000 voters cast ballots. As of this printing, there has been no medical confirmation that any or all of these Shelby County voters were actually alive.

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click to enlarge JUSTIN FOX BURKS

Oh my. There's apparently a new subdivision under development in Shelby County. We hear the new neighborhood is designed to provide residents a nearly utopian living environment until they turn 30, at which point they are summarily executed.

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