Oh My God
It came to pass that St. Matthew took up his gospel pen and wrote of the Lord Jesus, who is called the Christ, and Jesus charged his apostles, "Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me."
Two thousand years later, someone at Pastor Kenneth Whalum's New Olivet Baptist Church interpreted this line somewhat differently.
And for our Spanish-speaking friends ...
And lo, when the Lord's best donkey-driver experienced some minor difficulties while parking his furry ride, Jesus blessed him, saying, "Yo, Apostle. Back that ass up."
It's good to live in Tennessee, a place where our wise elected officials have crushed poverty under their mighty heels, eradicated all of man's inhumanities to man, and created an educational system that is the envy of a nation. On Monday, our state senators turned their inerrant attention to the last great ill plaguing the Volunteer State.
Let it be known that the following activities are criminal offenses and punishable to the fullest extent of the law: engaging in sexual conduct or contact with any animal living or dead; aiding or causing another person to engage in such contact; permitting such activity on any premises under his or her control; and photographing or filming, for sexual gratification, a person engaging in sexual activity with an animal.
A fortunate amendment to the bill specifies that the prohibition against sexual activity with an animal applies to "any animal other than man."