According to local news reports, Sharp Manufacturing employee Tommy Chiu wasn't getting along with his boss, Debra Rose, and he wanted revenge. Rose told police that she walked into her office and caught Chiu standing over her coffee mug holding a "baster-like" object. MyFox Memphis reported that Chiu's "baster-like object" may have contained xylene, a chemical commonly found in industrial stripping agents and airplane fuel. Experts from the National Organization for the Protection of Disgruntled Asian Stereotypes have rushed forward to state that the substance in the "baster-like object" was defiantly not pee pee.
Heads Up, Chuck!
How long will it be before News of the Weird's Chuck Shepherd picks up on the strange case of Memphis' own Mario Coleman, one of the dimmest crooks in history? Coleman was arrested for aggravated robbery last week after, according to police reports, he walked inside a model home in Bartlett, pointed his semiautomatic weapon at the real-estate agent's head, and took all of her jewelry. Fortunately for police, Coleman — like all the other prospective buyers visiting the house that day — filled out an info card.
The LaCrosse Tribune of LaCrosse, Wisconsin, recently ran an article titled "I gave up my life for Elvis." It told the story of Patti Perry, a woman who met Elvis Presley when she was 17, stopped dating, and "gave up life as she knew it" in order to travel with "Elvis and the gang." Perry told the Tribune that she was so busy being part of the Memphis Mafia that she "never had children." Supply your own punch line.