Fly on the Wall 

Irony in Action

Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't bringing its new and healthier "Kentucky Grilled Chicken" products to the Memphis market. Locals have since complained to the media because they can't get a low-fat meal at KFC.

Gathering Moss

Bono, U2's spastic activist/frontman, likes writing poetic meditations on Elvis Presley. Rolling Stone magazine likes to print those musings: "Elvis," which originally appeared in RS in 2004 and was recently revived by Chris Harris at RS's Rock & Roll Daily in honor of Bono's 49th birthday, is an unusual homage to say the least. An excerpt: "Out of Tupelo, out of Memphis, Tennessee, came this green, sharkskin-suited girl chaser, wearing eye shadow — a trucker-dandy white boy who must have risked his hide to act so black and dress so gay ... Some commentators say it was the Army, others say it was Hollywood or Las Vegas that broke his spirit ... Maybe it was just the big arse of fame sitting on him."

While on the subject of big arses, Bono described his hero's voice as being "bigger than his gut" and concluded his article with a previously unknown bit of Elvis trivia: "Elvis ate America before America ate him."

That certainly explains much about the King's unfortunate weight gain, as well as his impacted bowel. Thanks, Bono. Thank a lot.

Beyond Elvis

The Commercial Appeal has previously attempted to brand its annual "Most Memphis" awards using a variety of dead celebrity images. First there was Elvis. Then there was a cartoon image of the brutal conquistador Hernando DeSoto who looked like a cross between CA editor Chris Peck and a Super Mario Brother. This year, the paper has abandoned previous mascots in favor of hirsute party columnist Michael Donahue. The paper really should give itself an award for this.

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