So what was 2011 like for Fly on the Wall? Weird, as usual.
• If you are in desperate need of fabric, you probably want to visit this store during the daytime. If you go at night, the mean old sign will laugh at your rooster and make it cry. • Who do you blame? A faltering public school system or Snoop Dogg? • The accidental advertisement for shotgun weddings at Union and Walnut Grove has been replaced. We'll miss you, accidental advertisement for shotgun weddings.
John Daly's estranged fourth wife, Sherrie, has penned Teed Off, a tell-all book about her life with the party-boy golf pro. The former Mrs. D claims to have found an address book belonging to a disreputable woman who gave John X-rated pictures of herself. "I went through every phone number in it, whether it was her boss or her parents. And I sent them the picture of her coochie with a note that went something like this: 'This is the vagina of the woman I just found in bed with my husband.'"
Somebody is trying to get kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond.
• Headline writers had a field day when cops shut down a B&B for travelers who like S&M. Choice story toppers include "Collierville Cracks Whip in Sex Bondage House" and "Collierville's Hands Tied in Bondage House Prostitution." • It's bad enough that pets suffer at the hands of cruel and negligent owners. But insult follows injury when headline writers fail to account for double entendres, like this one from WREG: "Woman Behind Bars After Dog Found in Heat." • Who can forget the classic "40-year-old Mary Magdalene Caught Naked In Teen's Closet," about a 40-year-old named Mary Magdalene caught naked in a teen's closet. • And then there's this headline from The Daily Helmsman which requires no punchline whatsoever.
Have other wireless users noticed this network prompt at 201 Poplar?
• From an email alerting Midtowners to a potential threat: "Lt. Barham of the Union Station Task Force is asking for our help in locating an orange Chevrolet Tahoe that has recently been breaking into cars and taking purses. If you see such a car in Midtown, get the license plate and contact Lt. Barham immediately." Never turn your back on a Chevy. They'll cut you. • Claudell Whitfield was arrested for walking around in public without any pants on. Whitfield, who was wearing a shirt and a wig, was charged with indecent exposure and not having his sex-offender identification, which was a likely result of not wearing pants in the first place. • When you've got to go, you've got to go. And that goes double for Aurelio Manuel-Chen, who was accused of stabbing his roommate with a screwdriver for taking too much time in the john. It's hard to argue with Manuel-Chen's neighbor Evan Richmond, who told WMC-TV news, "You [Manuel-Chen] are going to jail for something stupid. You could have just waited." Or used the sink.