Memphis is so fat, when it goes to the movies, it sits next to everyone. It's so fat, it can sell shade in the summertime. It's so fat, every time it goes to the airport, it gets busted for smuggling a ton of crack in its pants. Memphis is so gosh darn fat, it made yet another one of those lists calling out America's fattest cities. And not only did we make the list, we're number one with a Twinkie, and that's no joke. According to Newsweek, which used data compiled for Gallup's well-being index, when it comes to diabetes, lack of exercise, a shortage of vegetables in the diet, and good old-fashioned obesity, Memphis kicks the big blubbery booties of other fat cities like New Orleans, Baltimore, and San Antonio. Or we would if only we could raise our leg that high.
Memphis is so fat, it's both up the road and down the road from Nashville. At least that's the case according to this New York Times article by an author who adds a new twist to the age-old rivalry between Tennessee's two largest cities without seeming to know exactly where the Bluff City is located. "There is an ongoing rivalry between Nashville and Memphis," Alice Randall writes in her story about how differently blacks and whites view obesity in women. "We often tease the city up the road by saying that in Nashville, we have a church on every corner and in Memphis, they have a church and a liquor store on every corner. Only now the saying goes, there's a church, a liquor store, and a dialysis center on every corner in black Memphis."
Little Richard at the Beale Street Music Festival: "I need two people to come and dance for me. Can I get a big fat girl and a big fat boy?" In the absence of chubby volunteers, he settled for a gaggle of normal-sized women.