Fly on the Wall 

Miles on Media
We've got to hand it to Channel 5's hard-tweeting reporter Jason Miles, whose social media reports are overflowing with stories about villainy, vice, and the occasional bad doggie. In a recent exchange with Twitter followers, Miles casually deflected criticisms that his reporting painted a negative image of pit bulls, and in doing so, he may have typed the truest words Twitter has ever broadcast: "Actually, we'd report it if a chihuahua sent 2 workers to the hospital." And who can argue?  The reporter went on to say that a chihuahua attack "just wouldn't happen," but that can't keep us from dreaming.

Real Thing
Mississippi has sent a clear message to the mayor of New York City: Mike Bloomberg can have a Southern man's Big Gulp when he pries it out of his cold, sticky fingers. Following a recent judicial smackdown of Bloomberg's health-conscious rule capping the size of large sodas, a new bill ensuring that no health-conscious city, county, or town can regulate the size of a large Coke, was passed in Mississippi.

F-Guns, KNIVES!
Having absolutely nothing better to do than expand the Second Amendment rights of Tennesseans in weirder and wilder ways, the state Senate has passed a bill to lift a ban on switchblade knives and end carry restrictions on blades longer than four inches. This bill finally silences critics who've asked for one good reason for the guns in parking lots bill.

Neverending Elvis
Derby Theatre is producing a new play called Cooking With Elvis, a dark comedy about a cook, an Elvis impersonator, an anorexic, and her lover. It has been described in the British press as having "a dash of witty dialogue, a dollop of fantastic performances, and a good glug of bawdy humour." How they resisted the urge to use "hunka burning love" in that recipe is a complete mystery.  

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