Letter from the Editor 

"It was a sobering experience," said Lindsay Lohan to OK! magazine upon leaving her rehab facility in Utah this week.

Yes, that's an actual quote from LiLo (as we call her in the journo biz). Sometimes it's just too easy, I tell you. These Hollywood people are comedy gold. Here are a few more I dug, er, made up.

"It was truly a revealing experience," said Britney Spears, emerging from her SUV after a night of partying. "But I couldn't bare it anymore."

"I just wish people would stop needling me about my bad habits," said singer Amy Winehouse, as she stumbled over her boyfriend's limp body in the street.

"My marriage to Pamela Anderson was a bust," said Kid Rock on the Letterman show, "though there are a couple of big things I'll miss."

And even politicians aren't immune from such gaffes:

"It was a black day for Memphis," said Carol Chumney, as she lamented her defeat in the Memphis mayoral race.

"I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel," said third-place finisher and former MLGW chief Herman Morris, "but we just ran out of gas."

"What a race!" said Mayor Herenton at his victory celebration. "We had to play every card in the deck."

And on the national scene, things aren't much different:

B "I think we'll win by a hair in Iowa," said John Edwards.

"I'll be boring into the issues soon," said Fred Thompson. "In this game, if you snooze, you lose."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," said Hillary Clinton. "Why can't people understand that I wear the pants around here?"

"I've got a Big Love for this country," said Mitt Romney. "Anything else you've heard is a bunch of old wives' tales."

"We're starting this campaign at Ground Zero," said Rudy Giuliani. "Then we're going to scare up as many votes as we can."

"I'm vetoing health-care for 10 million kids because to do otherwise will ruin this healthy economy," said President George Bush. "Besides, our childrens do learn."

I only wish I'd made up that last one.

Bruce VanWyngarden

brucev@memphisflyer.com

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Blogs

Politics Beat Blog

One Eye on The Memphis Women's March, January 21, 2017

News Blog

PODCAST: Two Flyer Guys and the Portland Protests

Beyond the Arc

Grizzlies 107, Kings 91: Game Notes

Intermission Impossible

Hitchcock, Cock Rock, and Bayard Rustin Live on Stage

Tiger Blue

Tigers 70, Houston 67 (OT)

News Blog

Sierra Club Protests Trump's EPA Choice

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Memphis Comedy Bad, Bad Men Premieres on Amazon Video

Hungry Memphis

Cafe Brooks Debuts, etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Bruce VanWyngarden

Readers also liked…

  • Vendor in the Grass

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks. — William Shakespeare

    Is there such a thing as "bad activism"? I'm asking because I'm seeing a lot of criticism of the folks who are protesting the Memphis Zoo's encroachment onto the Greensward at Overton Park.

    • Mar 31, 2016
  • Pin and Bear It

    • Dec 8, 2016
  • Game of Drones

    So the latest season of Game of Thrones ended like most of the other seasons have ended: A seemingly essential character who everyone really liked was hideously murdered. Of course, we won't know if Jon Snow is really dead until next season. But if he survives getting run through with several broadswords, it will probably have to involve dark magick or be revealed as a dream sequence or some other screenwriting chestnut ...

    • Jun 18, 2015
ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2017

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation