Letter from the Editor 

God (R-Heaven) is much on the minds of the presidential candidates these days, and particularly on the minds of His colleagues in the Republican party.

God, as has been made abundantly clear in recent years, is a Republican and speaks to his partymates regularly. President George Bush has said he hears from Him quite often. Mitt Romney says without religion, there is no freedom (and God doesn't mind that he's a Mormon). Mike Huckabee says his rise in the polls is "God's will." Rudy Giuliani says the Bible is "the best book ever written," and John McCain says he sees the hand of God when he hikes the Grand Canyon, though he thinks evolution might still be possible if you think it is. (Ron Paul now has a blimp and apparently doesn't feel the need to curry God's favor.)

Using this logic, we must conclude God is in favor of waterboarding, rendition, declarations of unilateral war, lying to grand juries, accepting bribes, unbalanced budgets, Rush Limbaugh, unchecked pollution, allowing people to pray to Him in school, Fox News, and tax cuts.

God is obviously opposed to evolution, gun laws of any kind, illegal immigration, unions, abortion, gay marriage, taxes, the Hollywood entertainment industry (except for Fox Entertainment shows like Family Guy and K-Ville), doing anything about global warming, and income taxes.

Of course, God also speaks to people other than politicians, including many athletes. He makes it possible for lots of dramatic homeruns to be hit and touchdowns to be scored. (God does not like the Memphis Grizzlies, for some reason. My theory is that Hakim Warrick is a Democrat.) And, oddly enough, God speaks to Willie Herenton, also a Democrat. But many of his supporters are Republicans, so that may explain God's willingness to chat with the mayor.

There's no denying Republicans have the edge when it comes to the Almighty. He's in their corner. He answers their prayers. He's on their side. Not much we can do about it.

Oh, God tosses the rest of us a bone now and then. I appreciate, for example, that he's allowing my summer flowers to bloom in December. They look really nice with my Christmas decorations. Thank God.

Bruce VanWyngarden

brucev@memphisflyer.com

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
    • Tales of New Orleans

      I'd reached the point in the evening when a gnat in my drink seemed more like a feature than a bug. I'd reached the point where that line seemed like comic genius, so I tweeted it. I'd reached the point where having a small dog walking up and down the bartop seemed perfectly normal. I'd reached peak New Orleans ...

Blogs

Hungry Memphis

Korean BBQ To Open in Cooper-Young, etc.

News Blog

Marijuana Law Passes First Hurdle in Council

News Blog

Jones Opposes TVA Wells with Resolution Tuesday

Music Blog

Cities Aviv at the Brooks Museum

News Blog

Three Things to Watch on City Council Day

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Music Video Monday: The Shieks

From My Seat

Q & A: Top Fuel Champion Clay Millican

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Bruce VanWyngarden

  • Tales of New Orleans

    I'd reached the point in the evening when a gnat in my drink seemed more like a feature than a bug. I'd reached the point where that line seemed like comic genius, so I tweeted it. I'd reached the point where having a small dog walking up and down the bartop seemed perfectly normal. I'd reached peak New Orleans ...
    • Aug 18, 2016
  • Schadenfreude at the Polls

    • Aug 11, 2016
  • Crap Shoot in the 8th

    • Aug 4, 2016
  • More »

Readers also liked…

  • A Bridge Too Far

    The Tennessee Department of Transportation announced last week that the I-55 "old bridge" across the Mississippi would be closed for nine months, beginning in 2017, so that the department could build new exit and entrance ramps. This is a really horrible idea, with potentially disastrous economic, public safety, and even national security ramifications ...

    • Jun 4, 2015
  • Vendor in the Grass

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks. — William Shakespeare

    Is there such a thing as "bad activism"? I'm asking because I'm seeing a lot of criticism of the folks who are protesting the Memphis Zoo's encroachment onto the Greensward at Overton Park.

    • Mar 31, 2016
  • ‘Night, Darlin’

    Remembering former P&H Cafe owner Wanda Wilson.
    • Feb 5, 2015
ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2016

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation