The Fly would never laugh at anyone else's pain. He would never take joy from another's grief. He knows, perhaps too well, what it's like to have loved and lost. And loved again. And lost again. And again. And so on. Sigh. But a pair of lost-dog ads from the August 22nd issue of The Commercial Appeal caught this bothersome bug's compound eye and pesky imagination. The first ad contained a picture of a lovable Benji-like mutt and the offer of a $500 reward. "Sponge," the ad began (that's the dog's name, you see), "you soak up spilled lovin'." Mmmmm, spilled lovin'. Sounds like one of those Japanese Internet sites you don't want the kids to visit, doesn't it? "I feel like Bojangles, after 20 years I still grieve."
As if that weren't tragic enough (in some sick and twisted way), there is a second ad for poor Sponge, who is apparently old and sick, that offers a $100 reward and reads, "It was Wuff at first bite, and Wuffin and Doggie Kisses, and a Wuff so Pure and True for 13-1/2 years." And then, paraphrasing an old George Jones song, it continues, "Does a wuff affair have to end like this? I will WUFF YOU TILL they hang a wreath upon my door." Could Sponge have met with foul play? Or did he just grow tired of the baby talk (and all that "spilled lovin'") and lope off in search of elusive dignity? Either way, the Fly, having had his fun, is happy to help. Should you find a spongy little mutt in the vicinity of Kirby Parkway, and not have access to the original classified ad, drop us an e-mail, and we'll help you make the Wuff connection.