Well, here we are in September. Fathers Day has blown on past; the Fourth of July has come and gone; and even Labor Day has reared its ugly head. Summer is officially over.
This year Im more upset about autumns approach than usual (it doesnt help that this is the first year Ive been in the same full time job both before, during, and after the season). Ive gone to the barbecues and the beaches; Ive done the summer sales. But theres something summery still missing, something summery Im still waiting for: the blockbuster movie.
Dont even try to tell me it was Rush Hour 2. A sequel cannot, by law, be the summer blockbuster. And it certainly wasnt Tomb Raider, Pearl Harbor, or Planet of the Apes. I saw those, and no. It doesnt matter how many Angelina Jolies, Ben Afflecks, or Mark Wahlbergs you have, those movies were not what I was looking for.
Im something of a movie junkie (I really need those hour and forty-eight minute breaks from myself). And I pretty much like anything, especially if its accompanied with popcorn. Ill watch indie films and teenybopper flicks and my guilty pleasure are those really dumb movies that center on what I call the dancing and the kissing (think Center Stage or Coyote Ugly). The only thing I cant watch -- especially not in theaters -- are horror movies (I tend to want to jump up and run around). Anyway, the other day Im in a theater, waiting for my feature presentation when theres a trailer for Serendipity
, a movie with John Cusack
and Kate Beckingsale
. Now I actually want to see this movie -- I think it looks cute and it doesnt hurt that John Cusack and Jeremy Piven
are in it. But, as the trailer was ending, a baritone voice rang out in the dark: I love romantic comedy.
This guy was being sarcastic (I assume, because he and his friend started laughing) and he was totally right. Romantic comedy sucks. I wish that wouldnt be a genre anymore. Yes, I want my movies to have dashing leading men, and it would be nice if there were some sort of love thang going on, but a good movie needs so much more (I think anyway). Like a plot. Or a sense of humor. Maybe even heart, intelligence, a really good car chase, and explosions out the wazoo.
In short, I want Independence Day. Armageddon. The Matrix.
Nothing even came close. I mean, sure, there were films this summer I enjoyed, films I would even watch again (this is the sole standard I hold to the products of Hollywood), but nothing that really sung.
I thought Legally Blonde
was cute -- of course in all disclosure, MGM blonded me. And Americas Sweethearts was sort of entertaining, if you forgive the complete lack of chemistry between Cusack and Julia Roberts. And I have it on good authority -- my friends in the biz -- that The Princess Diaries, a G-rated film about a girl who finds out shes a real live princess, has had one of the longest runs of the summer (hey, it was directed by Garry Marshall
, who did Pretty Woman
This summer has been a revolving door of mediocre offerings. Curse of the Jade Scorpion
, Captain Correllis Mandolin
, Summer Catch
. Okay, I havent seen these movies, so it might be unfair for me to call them mediocre, but just listen to the names. No one is going to go see those, and I have to say a summer blockbuster sort of implies a box office draw.
Maybe Im just getting crotchety in my old age. I think the radio sucks, too, but I havent railed against it recently. Although I know why the radio sucks -- because people pay to have their songs played. I guess that begs the question, who is paying to have these movies shown? And why? Its not like theres an album I can buy like with songs on the radio.
Or did the writers strike actually happen, but was covered up by Hollywood insiders so no one would feel sorry for the poor writers who get a pittance of what Tom Hanks
makes? And then the writers were replaced with typing monkeys who came up with Crazy Beautiful
Or is the quality of movies generally declining? Television seems pretty good now -- although its been a while since the last season so maybe Im remembering it in a rose colored haze -- maybe all the good movie people have skipped the big screen for the small.
Im going to settle for the most optimistic theory. One that says there wasnt a writers strike, that the general quality of movies is the same, and that there are talented people working in every aspect of the entertainment industry. Im choosing to believe that the writers were just trying to prove what would happen if they ever did go on strike. A gentle threat of what could be, like when Glenn Close
got to bunny boiling in Fatal Attraction
Either that or they were too preoccupied with finding temporary employment if the strike did happen. Lets just hope everything will be back to normal by Christmas.