TAKING CARE OF BONG HITS 

TAKING CARE OF BONG HITS

The festivities surrounding Elvis' birth week always pale in comparison to the teeming tent revival of Death Week, but at least one glossy periodical has given Memphis' favorite Capricorn a little present. In a move that surely caused the image-conscious Elvis Presley Enterprises to say, "Holy @%&ing son-of-a-%&!$#!!!," High Times, the Cigar Aficionado of hardcore potheads, has made an older, hairier, more zoned-out Elvis its February cover boy. In his touching story about eating a gob of acid and interviewing fans at Graceland during the Candlelight Vigil, reporter Chris Simunek never shies away from the tough questions. "Do you get the impression that maybe there's a jar somewhere with Colonel Parker's brain in it that's calling all the shots?" he asks. Well, do you? But it's in Simunek's obligatory stoner side-trip deep into the mystical Mississippi Delta, searching for that lonely old crossroads where blues hero Robert Johnson supposedly swapped his soul for a finely tuned guitar, that things get really, REALLY cosmic. "I had questions that could only be answered by an eternal being," he writes, unable to fathom why Satan would claim Johnson so soon after the infernal contract was signed and asking why nice guys like Elvis have "to die at 42 ... while [Ronald] Reagan lives a long, vicious life and gets to spend his autumn days pampered and spoon-fed, his conscience wiped as clean as a newborn baby's." Of course it doesn't take an eternal being to answer any of those old questions. Duh! Those who accept material goods or talents from the devil in exchange for his right to spank their souls for eternity become Satan's hos, and, like most hos, live short, hard, superficially glamorous lives. On the other hand, those who willingly do the devil's work using their self-acquired, or possibly God-given talents, enter into limited partnership with the dark forces and receive an extensive benefits package with a nice "golden parachute." As for poor Elvis? Well, that ol' boy just didn't eat right.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Blogs

News Blog

Candidates Sought For Council Vacancy

Calling the Bluff

Don Trip is a "Man on the Moon"

News Blog

Riverside Drive Bike Lane Named In Top 10 List

News Blog

Memphis' Logan Guleff Wins MasterChef Junior

Calling the Bluff

Starlito Connects with Don Trip, Yo Gotti for New Track

News Blog

Pension Reform Gets Council Approval

Beyond the Arc

Next Day Notes: Grizzlies 105, Warriors 98

The BruceV Blog

Memphis: How We Googled in 2014

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Chris Davis

ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2014

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Memphis Business Quarterly
Powered by Foundation