The Blotter 

Absurd crimes from the local police files.

Maybe it was the answer to somebody's prayers: Officers responded to a theft at 3633 Old Allen on Sunday after a woman realized she'd left her purse at church. Inside the purse were her telephone, her reading glasses, and her bank card. When she went back to retrieve them, the purse was gone.

Happy Birthday to You! A man was having a gathering at his residence on Oak Parkway last Saturday when he left briefly to go to the store. "When he returned, everybody was gone" and so were his laptop and two Sony televisions. There were no official suspects.

Does that mean they're stopped up? On January 21st, employees at a maintenance-supply store on Sandwood called police because a regular customer brought a counterfeit $20 bill to their attention. The woman who made the police report said she was unaware who brought the bill into the store but said that "in all likelihood they may have received the bill from one of their irregular customers."

The ever-changing language: In a disturbing incident, on January 22nd an elementary school student walking on St. Elmo was approached by a man driving an old, small, white truck. (According to police reports, it was probably a Nissan or a Toyota with a broken mirror on the right side.) The man told the student that he wanted to "get in your pants" and that the "goal's looking good." The student explained to police that "goal" is a new word for the booty. Or the badonkadonk, rump, derriere, or fanny, if you prefer.

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