1. Germantown officials -- who seem hell-bent on portraying their community as the silliest city in America -- complain about the "unsightliness" of a trailer set up by a restaurant owner to collect donations for victims of Hurricane Katrina. We would ask the citizens of New Orleans to apologize to the good people of Germantown -- except we can't find them.
2. Memphis Light, Gas, and Water says customers can expect much higher utility bills again this winter. Thanks to rising gas costs and -- yes, that pesky Hurricane Katrina -- utility bills could increase 70 percent. Okay, so this year, the increase is due to Katrina; last year there wasn't enough natural gas supply; the year before that it was 4 percent rate hike. What's the excuse going to be next winter?
3. Hurricane Katrina actually means good news for Millington, when the U.S. Navy announces it may transfer some 375 personnel from a naval base in New Orleans. The bad news comes to those 375 personnel, who probably joined the Navy because they liked, oh, the ocean and ships and things like that, and now their new home is 400 miles from the nearest ocean.
4. FBI agents arrest a University of Memphis student after discovering an airline pilot's uniform, a map of the Memphis airport, and a DVD titled How an Airline Captain Should Look and Act. Why, that all seems harmless enough. Wasn't that Adam Sandler's latest movie?
5. Ophelia Ford wins her brother John's old state Senate seat by just 13 votes. Her Republican opponents manage to put a strange spin on Terry Roland's loss, saying it shows voters are "sick and tired of the leadership provided by the Fords." Huh? She won, didn't she?