The Cheat Sheet
by Michael Finger
Last week would have been Elvis Presley's 73rd birthday. Everyone likes to speculate what the King would be doing if he hadn't been felled by a heart attack at the relatively young age of 42, but as the years roll on, we have to face harsh reality. That was a long time ago. Even if Elvis hadn't died way back in 1977, considering his lifestyle, it's very possible he would be in the same predicament today: dead.
A Sumatran tiger at the Memphis Zoo no doubt thought he was getting a special dessert when a stray dog somehow jumped into his enclosure. Alert zookeepers managed to distract the tiger with firecrackers and smoke bombs and somehow rescued the poor pup, who is recuperating from several bites at the Animal Emergency Center. We don't know the dog's name (or owner), but if he pulls through this ordeal, his new moniker should be "Lucky."
Security guards won't let visitors carry nail files or other potential weapons into the Criminal Justice Center. So it was rather disturbing when a Sheriff's Department lieutenant somehow left her fully loaded pistol in one of the public bathrooms at 201 Poplar — the same bathrooms used by people charged with various crimes. If the wrong person had found that gun, one of the day's trials might have ended with a bang.
City officials are trying to figure out ways to sanitize the thousands of gallons of wastewater dumped into the Mississippi River each day. One method involves treating the waste with bleach, which may get rid of the germs but probably won't help with the smell. We don't normally drink the water from "Big Muddy," but with more people boating and rafting on it, officials want to make it bit safer if you fall in and take a big swallow.
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