THE LONG DUMB ARM OF THE LAW 

THE LONG DUMB ARM OF THE LAW

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  • A 1996 law requires pandhandlers to obtain a permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. It may be assumed that panhandlers with a strong business model but no permit may still ask strangers to provide "venture capital."
  • Though the law is rarely enforced, the courts might want to inform Tamara Mitchell-Ford that it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
  • We all know how rowdy frogs can be after they have a few Budweisers in them,but not many know thatit's illegal for frogs to croad after 11 p.m. Authorities note that more than 10,000 ofthe little buggers wereround up in an 1895 sting operation involving undercover politice officers disguised as "party flies."
  • And now for our favorite dumb Memphis law of all time. "It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises."So if you see any blue lights flashing while driving down the street with a nice slice of contraband from Buntyn's -- for God's sake, man, eat it, EAT IT!
    A few state laws which conscientious citizens should be reminded of include:
  • You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • The age of consent is 16. Twelve if the girl is a virgin.
  • Any person crippling, killing, or in any way destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction. (And most importantly..)
    Giving and receiving oral sex is strictly prohibited.

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