The Rant 

I hope I don't drive by any horrible automobile accidents or train wrecks or small-aircraft crashes anytime soon, because I'm afraid I might stop and get out and stare at them. I say this because I find it impossible to stop watching the news about all of the death and destruction in Israel and Lebanon right now. It's an obsession that is keeping me from doing other, more productive, not to mention fun, things. I flip from channel to channel and then get on the Internet and then back to watching it on the television news, which is sketchy and one-sided at best. I've lost faith in almost every politician we have, because none of them seems to want to see a cease-fire in the situation, which would save the lives of some of those poor kids who are getting killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I've heard the argument that a cease-fire now would be only a temporary fix and that it would have the potential to allow Hezbollah to regroup. But I still maintain that if everyone there were given a mass dose of Valium or ecstasy and put down their guns, things would be much better. People could calm down and try to be happy. Like the couple from Georgia I saw while flipping through the war news. Seems this young man wanted to propose to his high school sweetheart and decided to do it in an airplane. So he invited her to go to the movies. Now, if you showed up to go to the movies with your boyfriend and the mode of transportation was a tiny airplane, wouldn't you find that a bit odd? But she just shrugged and said, "Okaaay." So up in the air, with the pilot flying them around, the boyfriend pops the question, and wham! The plane goes down and crashes and catches on fire and they have to pull the unconscious pilot out of the cockpit and they all are rushed to the hospital and the pilot is still in the hospital in pretty bad shape -- and the couple and the girlfriend's mother are on the Today show just giggling away about it all. See? Happiness in the face of a fairly horrible situation. That, or stupidity. The best part was when the rocket-scientist news bimbo very seriously asked the mother, who was watching the entire ordeal, "Wow. When you saw the airplane crash and catch on fire, how did you feel?" This is where I would love to have been on the show, so I could have said: "Well, how in the hell do you think I felt? You moron! I just watched my daughter go down in a plane crash in front of my very eyes. Let's see, you idiot ... I guess I was not ecstatic? Maybe 'overjoyed' wasn't the first thing that came to mind?" That's when I would like to pull out a lit cigarette, stab it in her hand, smile, and say, "How did that make you feel?" Oh, well. At least it was good for a laugh and made me stop thinking about the Israeli-Lebanon mess for a few minutes.

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