The Rant 

I haven't read any letters to the editor in quite some time — uh, except for one in this paper that someone pointed out to me recently in which the writer advised that I would be well served to stop being so violent to women and so homophobic, and I will certainly do what I can to keep those two things in check — but I can only imagine the outright hysteria going on regarding the antics of one Senator Ophelia Ford. There's got to be a lot of hand-wringing going on about this, with people embarrassed to death about what Nashvillians must think of us here in Memphis, since we did elect her to office. And I'm sure plenty of people are worried about her spending their tax dollars on expensive hotels and such while she misses more legislative sessions than she attends. And of course, there's the famous tirade during the session that she did attend, during which she told her colleagues, "You guys need to get better and you need to get more educated. ... What you're talking about ain't hittin' on nothin' with Senator Ford!" Yowza! And then allegedly falling off that barstool in the concierge bar on the 24th floor of the Sheraton in Nashville and the ambulance coming, and then coming out of the Wild Horse Saloon with a blanket over her head and allegedly attacking the cab driver and then hiding in her hotel room when family members went to get her, and now she seems to be missing and on and on and on. Yes, I'm sure many of you are very frustrated with this kind of behavior and leadership or lack thereof. I, for one, however, am not. This is just twisted enough to be fabulous. Now, if she does have anemia and/or a problem with alcohol, that's sad. But if she's just as wild as she appears to be, then more power to her. She needs her own television show. And she is certainly no worse than that imbecile in the White House and his crooked gaggle of cohorts or the new Congress that just passed that $100 billion bill to keep the Iraq war going indefinitely. So she likes to knock back a few drinks and shack up at decent hotels? I'd rather pay for her to get bombed than for Dingbat to go and bomb the wrong country. The weird thing is, there seems to be very little background information out there about Ophelia and what she did before getting into politics. I did read one news account that said she had been married to and divorced from a man who killed his own mother and chopped her up into pieces. And you're going to fault her for a few cocktails? My, how empathetic! But the one thing Ophelia does need to learn is that if you are going to take on being a public figure, you gotta do at least some of this partying in private and not run around all the time from bar to bar, even if you are trying to just "get me some soup," as you put it. I've been to that concierge bar at the Sheraton in Nashville, and I can say with certainty that you can get just as happy in your own room and just sleep it off. There is no need to be falling off a barstool and giving the press that much more to hound you about. And don't have dead people vote for you. And please don't try to choke your cab driver when all he is trying to do is help get you somewhere safely. He even gave you your shoes back. Or he gave them to the police. I can't remember. So calm it down for a while. Lay low until things cool off a little, and by all means, eat. Believe me, you don't want to end up in rehab, because it is expensive and time-consuming. I imagine the food's not all that great, and they are certainly not going to be serving drinks.

Speaking of Ophelia Ford

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