The Rant 

Well! It has come to my attention that some people disagree with what I write on this page and that even the two people I know who claim to like me wish I would stop writing about politics and the upcoming election. They don't care what I think and they find it tiresome. Imagine such a thing. So I'm going to just keep doing it. Sorry (you know who you are). I won't list your names here to embarrass you by letting everyone else know how small-minded you are. See? I am a NICE person. So about the upcoming election: Nothing makes me quite as squeamish as a church with a JumboTron. Those things are great for NBA games and such when you can only afford a seat so high up it's hard to breath and the players on the floor look like miniature people. On the big JumboTron they actually look life-size and you can see the grimaces on their faces when they race up and down the court and jump up and slam the ball through the net. But why a church needs a JumboTron is beyond me. I had never been to a so-called mega-church until recently, when I attended a friend's grandfather's funeral in Nashville (where most of the churches seem to be larger than FedExForum), and it had one of those giant screens that broadcasts what's going on in the pulpit, making the minister look like something the size of a monster from a 1960s Japanese horror movie. It gave me a panic attack. It was like being in an IMAX theater. Well, I assume that's what an IMAX theater is like; I've never been to one because I'm afraid all that motion would make me get nauseated. Yes, NAUSEATED — not nauseous. I hate it when people say they are "nauseous" because that means they are really saying that they are sickening. And while some people are, it's just incorrect. But back to the JumboTron church and politics. I bring this up because I've just read that Barack Obama and John McCain are going to appear on the stage together for the first time at some huge church in California and will be questioned by the minister there, Pastor Rick Warren. He's apparently very famous, not only as an evangelical minister but also as the author of that book The Purpose Driven Life. I've seen several people who named that book in those 10-question interviews when asked what their favorite book is, but I've never really known what it's about and still don't, because the title suggests self-help and I hate those books. Plus, I already know what my life's purpose is and it's not driving purposefully. But I did see a picture of this guy in his church blown up on the big screen and he appears to be wearing some type of Hawaiian or tropical-print shirt, which I like. I've never understood the reasoning behind dressing up to go to church. But my question is, WHY are the two presidential contenders having their first appearance at a church, of all places? Am I the only one who finds this odd? They are not running for the office of preacher. There IS separation of church and state, or at least there used to be. Of course, don't tell that to Oklahoma County commissioner Brent Rinehart, who just released as a campaign tool a comic book he wrote about gays in which he refers to "anal sodomy" and misspells the word "pedophile." He's one guy who is quick on the draw. When a reporter asked him on the national news whether or not he thought he was homophobic, he told her he didn't know what that word meant. But he is making darn sure that ho-mo-seckshull agenda takes over his state. He says he depicted gay men in the book wearing togas because that's what he has seen them wear. (I would love to know where he has been hanging out late at night.) But back to the church. Not only do I not understand why a national presidential debate of sorts would be held in a big evangelical mega-church with a billboard-sized screen when there are plenty of venues that have nothing to do with religion, which should have nothing to do with politics (I know, I'm a dreamer), but also why someone would name a church "Saddleback." It's not the name of the town in which it's located, and it sounds like it should be a restaurant in Germantown. Do they have a rodeo at the church? Do they horse around? I guess, though, it's better than if they named it Bareback. Ol' Brent Rinehart would have to come out with a whole new comic-book series. Come to think of it, I wish he would. I would like to collect them.


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