Sigh. I suppose I would be remiss as a newspaper columnist if I didn't at least mention the current scandal involving Congressman Anthony Weiner sending those racy photos of himself to people via Twitter and by whatever other means he may have shared them. Sigh. I don't really, truly care. But if I were him, I would skip whatever kind of "treatment" it is that he's taken a leave of absence to undergo and head straight for Saturday Night Live. Yep, SNL. When you're in doo-doo as deep as his at this point, you might as well make fun of it and move on.
Let's say he's on the show and in the skit he runs for the top job in the Big Apple, and he does such a good job that they make a movie about him and he wins an Academy Award. At the ceremony, when they hand the statue to him, they could say, "Here's your Oscar, Mayor Weiner." Ugh and sigh again. And I should just apologize now to my dear friend Craig Weiner for this and any other jokes I might make here about his last name. Craig, you know I love you, man, but I gotta do this.
With the faux campaign races, SNL and Weiner could keep the season going strong for a good while. In another skit, Weiner could go back in time and run as the vice-presidential candidate with the first United States president. They could have saved generations from embarrassment by running the Washington-Weiner ticket and just getting it all over with in the beginning. Or how about him running with the 14th president on the Pierce-Weiner ticket. Or with Tennessee's own native president on the Johnson-Weiner ticket. Sounds like a hot dog with some double entendre on the side. And, of course, were he a Republican and willing to serve with either of the recent father and son presidents, it could have been the Bush-Weiner era. I don't think we need to even go into what it would have been like if he had run with former Nashville mayor Bill Boner or Congressman Barney Frank. And don't ever let him run with former U.S. House of Representatives majority leader Dick Armey because if they were to win on the Armey-Weiner ticket they would never be able to do anything about the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
But back to SNL. I say, go for it, Tony. Seriously. Instead of the leave of absence and saying he has a "sex or sext addiction" or any of that serious stuff that not many people buy, he should just hit that show and all of the late-night talk shows and get all the jokes out of the way and get back to work. Unless, of course, he goes into sex rehab with Tiger and they hit it off and decide to run together on the Weiner-Woods ticket. Sorry!
I think people would be much more forgiving about this if he showed some self-deprecating humor. Yes, if he were to admit the mistakes and have some fun at his own expense — with his wife's blessing, of course — the "scandal" would be over and someone else would come along and do something just as goofy, and the conservative radio talk-show hosts could exercise their miniscule attention span and move on to something else. It's the way of the world right now.
People want to know what Sarah Palin is tweeting, for heaven's sake. Or what Paris Hilton thinks is hot. Or what Lindsay Lohan has in her water bottle. Or how much Newt Gingrich owes Tiffany's and why. (By the way, does anyone else wonder if his wife is also Cindy McCain? The two of them need to start a look-alike Stepford Doll collection). In the end, who really cares about this Weiner mess, anyway? It will all blow over before we know it.
Well, they ain't never going my way.
One runs at midnight and the other one
Running just 'fore day. — Muddy Waters