The Rant 

I feel like Rodney Dangerfield. Really, touch me and touch him and you'll see that I feel like him. Just kidding. I am preparing to take a group of Stax Music Academy students to perform in Berlin during the last week of September and out of all the cities in Europe, all the cities in the world, some guy walks into the U.S. consulate last week, hands over some paperwork to a worker who instantly has trouble breathing, other workers around her get sick, white powder is found, the consulate is evacuated, the man is arrested, and men in protective clothing and gas masks surround and scour the building and the media begins speculating whether the incident had anything to do with the crisis in the Middle East in the wake of that film trailer on the internet. Now, tell me. Why did it have to be Berlin? Why me?

Oh, it's not about me? Okay. I'll calm down.

It's all President Barack Obama's fault. He should have been there to head the guy off at the pass. Just like the crisis in the Middle East, according to John McCain, is the president's fault. Forget the film on the internet that portrays Muhammad as a child molester and buffoon. No, it's Obama's fault. He's weak on terror because down deep he really is a Muslim. I'm sure McCain thinks that but won't come out and say it. It's his fault because he wasn't born in the United States. I think Mitt Romney actually has said or at least alluded to that.

Everything is Obama's fault. It's his fault that there are wildfires all over the West, and it's his fault that the mid-section of the country has been suffering from the drought. That means that it's his fault that corn is more expensive. I damn his name every time I buy corn. It's his fault that gas is high. I bought some bread the other day that was stale. Reason? Obama's policy on wheat. I had a really badly abscessed tooth a couple of weeks ago. It did that because of his health-care reform. I also had to buy a new car this past spring because the one I had been driving for seven years died and couldn't be repaired. If only Mr. President had not saved the auto industry, I bet it would have kept on chugging along. My desk phone cord is terminally tangled into a big wad. Why, oh why, didn't he buy a new one for me during the financial bailout? What in the world was he thinking?

I would go out and buy the new iPhone 5 except for the fact that I would have to buy a new charger because they changed the port. Damn President Obama's Mini USB Port Act of 2012, which also, by the way, killed Steve Jobs. The fact that my scene got cut from the What Not To Wear episode that was filmed at the Stax Museum earlier this year? His lack of oversight of the FCC. I can't wait for one of the Republicans to come out and say that if he just hadn't made the decision to take out Osama bin Laden, none of this mess in the Middle East would be taking place. They never gave him credit for that so maybe now they will and use that against him.

I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen opposition to a person on such a scale of hatred. And I've never seen any time in history more than right now that the Constitution needs to be rewritten and have the free speech amendment amended to keep things like that film from being made and from that moronic preacher down in Gainesville, Florida, from using it to promote his church's "Judge Muhammad Day" or whatever the hell it was.

I don't care if free speech is one of the things we enjoy as a democracy. People are too stupid to treat it responsibly. They use it to spew hate and ignorance, and they ought to be silenced. There should be some kind of test people have to take and to get a free-speech license. If you are ignorant and a bigot, you don't get to use the internet and certainly do not get to post comments about news articles on the internet unless you have some brains and you know at least how to spell three-letter words, which is so often not the case. That is also President Obama's fault.

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