I think I ve mentioned on this page before that waking up in the morning has a significant shock factor in it for me. You know. What room am I in? What time is it (I ve never owned an alarm clock)? Is there any coffee? Do I have clean clothes? Did the Grizzlies win the night before? Where s my poor blind cat? Is there a chance that there might be a flavor of cat food in the house that she will begrudgingly eat? Why has the remote access on my computer been cut off, making it make a nonstop science fiction kind of sound? How many emails did I get over night telling me this is my last chance to see the Paris Hilton video? How many emails did I get telling me that I have just inherited $65 million dollars, but that I have to send $200,000 to Egypt or buy a house for some exiled prince? Why can t the exiled prince just come live with me? Do I have cigarettes? What were real events of the previous night and which ones did I dream? What day is it? Did I try to cook anything in my sleep (I still haven t gotten over boiling a huge pot of toilet paper during my walking slumber a few years ago)? And so on. These questions all race through my brain during the first, oh, 60 seconds of being awake, and it happens almost every day. Except for the other morning. The television was on when my eyes popped open, and what was the very first thing I saw? A little robot like gadget was taking a virtual trip through a giant colon. Like a canoe trip or a carnival ride. Right through a pink colon. At first I thought, why is this happening to me? Why I am being greeted by an inside look at a colon upon opening my eyes? And then I thought, well, I guess looking at the inside of a color first thing is better than looking at George W. Bush s face. Hmm. Bush? Colon? Bush? Colon? Yep, much rather take a trip up the ol colon than listen to any of his comments. And speaking of the Creature, what about a photo op with the families of the nine Afghanistan children we accidentally killed over the weekend? Certainly, if he can sneak away in the middle of the night to have cameras catching him dishing up for a couple of hours to the troops in Iraq, he could, at the very least, go over and console the families of the nine kids we blew to bits while they were just playing marbles in the dirt. But I suppose that would mean seeing some reality of war, and we know he doesn t want that and we know the mainstream American press to cover anything concerning the war that doesn t have a positive twist. That s why the White House has planned to form its own media company/news network over in the Middle East to broadcast the news he wants broadcast. What? Haven t heard about that one? Well, it s true and it s scary and I d rather look at the inside of a colon than think about it. So here goes with a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight s Funky Furniture Auction and Show at the New Daisy, sponsored by Memphis Advertising Federation, offers some unique furniture, to say the least. Blind Mississippi Morris is playing in The Corner Bar at The Peabody. And Lacy Reed is at B.B. King s.