thursday, 15 

thursday, 15

Boy. Take a few weeks off to search for a good brain transplant surgeon and look what happens. The whole place turns to Bugtussle on crack. We ve got the mayor up in city hall with everything but a burning bush and a stone tablet engraved with the Ten Commandments and his name. Oops, make that eleven commandments. I forgot they ve added, Don t Bring Me No Mess. Of course, God would have used correct grammar. Let s see. The city council hired a consulting firm with our tax dollars to try to help figure out what they can do to make us like them better. That one makes a lot of sense. Give us that loot and your problem will be solved. As if there weren t bigger things with which to be concerned right now, someone dug Dick Cheney out of his hole so he could come out in favor of a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Gee, that s important stuff as we live on his boss terror color code and are still basically at war. And who is one of the biggest proponents of gay marriage? The Catholic Church. Now, there s an authority on morality for you. Right. The only way you can tell when it s midnight at the Vatican is when the big hand is on the little hand. Seems that The Creature has decided it s about time to send a human to Mars for some reason, probably because he just figures that s a country he hasn t heard of and wants to go see if we need to attack it. Moron. Just GO AWAY. WHATEVER IT TAKES, JUST GO AWAY. It s enough to have to make one write a letter to, yes drum roll, please the good Dr. Gott. In case you haven t been on Gott Watch over the past few weeks, let me tell you that he has been on a real roll, managing to work in his grotesque body part and sexual information into many of his columns. When asked recently about a spinal condition called cauda equina, he jumped right in there and said the symptoms included sexual malfunction and loss of sphincter control, leading to urinary and/or rectal incontinence. He added, quite astutely, that, For obvious reasons, this situation can be serious. Oh, come on, Doc, please, please tell us the reasons. He brought halitosis back into the picture the other day by suggesting to a 79-year-old-man that that might be the reason his 83-year-old wife no longer touches him. And finally, just a few days ago, in one column alone, the Doc addressed a bulging groin and this topic: DEAR DR. GOTT: I am 16 years old and very embarrassed because my penis is so small. The Doc basically said that reassurance was his only hope from his physician. Does this mean that his doctor is supposed to say, Well, yes, son, you are right. You absolutely have one of the smallest penises I have ever seen in my long career! Oh, well. God love the Doc. And now here s a little look at some of what s going on around town this week. As for tonight, I have just two words: Babette s Feast. This is the film being shown tonight during Third Thursdays: After Dark at The Dixonat The Dixon Gallery and Gardens. It s a beautiful Danish film about very special dinner party and is in my top five favorite movies of all time. The Memphis Grizzlies are out of the snow and playing Chicago tonight at The Pyramid. And Dash Rip Rock is playing at the Hi-Tone tonight.z

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