thursday, 2 

thursday, 2

There is something in this week s This Week that reminded me of a very strange thing that happened tome a long time ago. Not that there weren t plenty of those. How often did you as a child, try to brush your Chichuahua s teeth with glue, only to have it bite you in the eye, and then have your father shoot and kill it? Or break your leg trying to crawl through a window that happened to have a huge window-unit air condition in it? There are man. But this one involves a stripper I once knew and a lesson she taught me, and I think this may solve a bit of the problems going on in the world right now. By the time I met this stripper whose name was a mere two vowels off from the same as a very famous televangelist who was known for beating young people over the year with their own crutches to heal them she was a bit long in the tooth to be stripping. Seems the peak of her career as a burlesque queen had been in Iceland. So she was selling beaded turbans and vitamins. Somehow, we became friends (I was also friends with another stripper who danced with a prosthetic legt and a boa constrictor,but that s another story for another day), and she paid regular visits to fill me in on the latest news in the vitamin world. And during one of those visits, she gave me a gift. She had peeled the label off a Le Sueur green peas can and placed a large picture of an eyeball in its place. And then she told me: Whenever you are faced with a challenge you re not sure you can handle, you just take this out and say, Eye Can! I think it may have somehow had something to do with her vitamin philosophy, but I never forgot it. Who could? So I think there are many people in the world right now who could use this little trick. Take the Middle East. Sharon, when you think it s impossible for you to call for peace and give the Palestinians back their land and concentrate more on your citizens well-being than winning the next election, which is your real agenda, you just pull that thing out and say, Eye Can! Same for you, Arafat. When you think you can t be the kind of leader who will actually help your people rather than harm them, pull it out and say, Eye Can! To President Bush: When you think you can t form a sentence that makes sense or keep yourself from making stupid remarks about the axis of evil to keep yourself from doing something as ridiculous as declaring that we will be attacking Iraq but not until 2003 (this is not a wedding or party you re planning), you just whip it out and say, Eye Can! And don t screw it up by getting mixed up and saying, Can Eye! And Tonya Harding, when you think you can t go out at night without getting hammered and ramming your pickup truck into a ditch and getting a DUI like you did a couple of weeks ago, you pull it out and say, Eye Can! Mike Tyson, when you come here from the Assault on the Fault (my name for the right; couldn t help jumping on the bandwagon), if you think you can t keep yourself from molesting women and biting off ears, just say, Eye Can! And there you have it. Just a little positive-thinking lesson that might work with the help of a little Valium for al lthe aforementioned folks and everyone else. Now, there s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, the Memphis Cancer Foundation a nd Wonders Gala at The Pyramid pairs the foundation with the W0nders series for a party that celebrates the exhibit. Czars: 400Years of Imperial Grandeur and honors eight men wit the Spirit of Life award for their battle with cancer. At saddle Creek West, there s a reception for Spring Into the Arts, a festival for the visual and performing arts. The Memphis Redbirds play Omaha tonight at AutoZone Park. Musiq is at the New Daisy. Cory Branan is at the Hi-Tone. Bobby, Fred and Hunky Rusty are at Alex s. And last, but certainly not least, Sense Field is playing at the Peabody. Rooftop Party during happy hour.

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