Poor Rosie O Donnell. I have been losing sleep over her lawsuit for weeks. Her situation is so dire. So dire that she shares top billing on the mainstream TV news with the hundreds of American soldiers who have died in Iraq in the past months, thanks to The Creature (that would be G.W. Bush, who will from now on be referred to as that). If anybody in this country had any sense, they would just send her over there. One big loud obnoxious press conference with her would probably make the whole Middle East vacate to other parts of the world and solve the whole thing. She could un-do thousands of years of history, which The Creature thinks he can do by landing on a battle ship in a military uniform and proclaiming the end of violence. He and Rosie would make the perfect couple, since he s probably gay, having gotten Laura pregnant only once. Also, he s basically retarded and she is unfathomably grotesque. The good soul in me wants to tell her that if she did go to Iraq and donned one of those burkas, it would slim her down a bit for the camera. She, obviously, hasn t missed too many meals. Like I am one to talk, having been on a diet since I was four. If I face one more piece of steamed broccoli any time soon, don t get in the way of my random gunfire. But what about Rosie vs. Saddam? If The Creature isn t happy enough with this colossal mess he s started, maybe this would do the trick. And it would take the spotlight off of things for enough time for the world to try him for war crimes against humanity. Do I sound bitter? And how about the 40-hour session about the FOUR or SIX whatever it is psycho, Creature-nominated judges the Democrats are trying to block, when they ve already sucked up and approved almost 200 of the jerks? John Ashcroft, if you aren t in some kind of delusional fit of singing with your staff while fantasizing about sex with the Little Rascals cast, jot that down. And I am in love with Ted Kennedy for calling the nominees Neanderthals. I don t care how he drove off that bridge; he says all the right things at the right time. Maybe if any of those Republican congressmen had spent 40 straight concentrating on how tiresome, they are, it would have been a much better use of their time. Think about how many cats Bill Frist could have adopted from shelters and chopped to pieces in that time. Or they could have debated about whether John Ashcroft wears fishnet hose underneath those polyester pants? But enough of all this political talk. Let s talk about the fact that, in past three weeks, the Grizzlies have kicked some very, very serious butt. The Spurs (world champion team), the Lakers, the Magic, AND THE DALLAS MAVERICKS IN OVERTIME. It absolutely made my wrist limp. No, not because of that, but because I spent three hours slamming my hands together for the guys. And I really didn t mean to spill that ice cube on the floor right in front of Steve Nash before he fell down. I promise. Looks like playoff time to me. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, Playhouse on the Square is hosting its annual Fat Cat Follies
, a one-night fund-raising revue with some 30 of POTS financial backers on stage; includes dinner and silent auction. Tonight s Third Thursdays: After Dark at The Dixon
at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens features museum viewing and a screening of the film The Garden of the Finzi-Continis
. There s a George DeBoeuf Wine Dinner
at Melange tonight with an incredible menu by Chef Scott Lenhart. And The Shins, The Aisler Set, and Broadcasts Oblivian are at the Hi-Tone.