Man, how great would it have been to be a fly on the wall in the Liza Minelli/David Gest household? Gest one of the featured stars on badplasticsurgery.com, a site you must visit claims in his recent $10 million suit against Minelli claims that she beat the crap out of him during many of her alcoholic rages and is now stuck away in some rehab clinic in Hawaii reportedly taking 11 medications a day. Now, that s the kind of rehab center I want to be in should I find myself in Gest s predicament some day. I would just like to know what the fights were all about. Did Liza finally lay down the law and tell Gest to stop wearing her beaded gowns around the house? Stop using her makeup? Stop stretching out her shoes? Because look: the man is obviously gay. Look who was in their wedding, for heaven s sake: Michael Jackson and Liz Taylor. Need anyone say more? And because Gest is apparently such a nasty little queen, lots of old acquaintances seem more and more willing to come out of the woodwork and tell little stories about him. One rock singer told Fox News that Gest used to ask him to walk down to Times Square with him, where he would disappear for long periods of time into adult bookstores for men only and return later with no explanation. Well, duh. What was he supposed to do? Come out and say he d just made it with a stranger of the same sex while fantasizing about married Judy Garland s daughter? It s all to fabulous. What s even more fabulous, though, is a site I ran across while researching this very important part of American history: gossiplist.com. This will have you glued to the computer for hours. It lists every celebrity you might think and then dishes out the dirt on him or her. Here s an example: Ashley Judd: Dirt: self-involved; cursed out a reporter who dared to ask her a personal question; likes to remind the press of her degree from the University of Kentucky - like it is Yale or something; banged Robert DeNiro; according to someone who lives in her town, she likes to take her granny to her films, and then will loudly 'explain' the movie. Here are just a few more samples: Demi Moore: Dirt: had breast implants; once worked as a hooker in Vegas. Don Cornelius: Dirt: former host of Soul Train is tres gay; married to a white woman. Faith Hill: Dirt: has huge pores; lost childbirth weight by doing coke; Janet Jackson: Dirt: cheek implants; nose job; likes diet pills; bisexual; once used her chef s identity to get pills. Jeff Gordon: Dirt: nicknamed Rainbow Warrior in Nascar circles; gay and closeted. The list of famous folks and foul things about them goes on and on, but I think you get the picture. At any rate, it s a lot more fun than watching television and being driven to want to commit murder by the constant onslaught of Haley Barbour/Ronnie Musgrove campaign commercials, which apparently are NEVER going to end. In the meantime, here s a little look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, Why Did I Get Married?, with Kelly Price and Chico Debarge, opens at The Orpheum. And Gov t Mule and Chris Robinson s New Earth Mud are at The Lounge.