thursday, 4 

thursday, 4

It s just December 1st as I write this and already I think if I hear or see the word holiday again I am going to drive my car into a crowded convenience store naked and screaming obscenities in pig Latin while jumping up and down on some innocent person s head. I simply can t take it. It s bad enough that retailers start putting out the decorations in August, trying to squeeze every last dime out of you that they can, but now it s even worse. And people do go crazy during the holidays. Take that woman in Orange City, Florida, Patricia VanLester, who was first in line a the Wal-Mart Supercenter, waiting for the 6 a.m. whistle to signal shoppers in for all of the big holiday bargains. Seemed she wanted a $29 DVD player, but the crowd knocked her down, leaving her on the ground unconscious draped over the player, and trampled her until she was black and blue and she had to be hospitalized for a few days. How incredibly embarrassing would it be to have to explain to people that you were trampled by a mob at Wal-Mart? I would come up with any excuse spousal abuse, car wreck, self-mutilation, mountain climbing accident, mosh pit injuries anything but being trampled at Wal-Mart at 6 a.m. for being so trashy as to wait there before sun-up to get a deal on a DVD player. In fact, I think she deserved to get trampled. And how humiliating to have your sister quoted in the newspaper as saying, She got pushed down and they walked over her like a herd of elephants. I told them, Stop stepping on my sister! And I missed it on the local television news, but several people told me about a spot they saw in which a woman tried to break into a similar line to rush for the bargains, only to be grabbed by the throat by a couple of fellow shoppers and thrown down. Fabulous. That is the holiday spirit. And speaking of the holidays, how about the Creature s little midnight run to Baghdad, timed one day before Senator Hillary Clinton s scheduled visit? I thought he had done the worst he could do when he landed on that battleship in uniform, but this was an even more blatant scream for votes in the upcoming election than that spectacle. I m sure the handful of soldiers who got to see him dish up mashed potatoes felt better for a couple of hours, but they are still stuck there in that horrid mess he has created, waiting to be killed at any moment. Bush does Baghdad. Pardon me while I go hurl. There, I m back. And now here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, there s a closing reception at Memphis College of Art for a BFA/MFA Exhibition. Mr. Vance Lauderdale himself will be signing copies of his book Ask Vance from 5-7 today at Midtown Books. And there s a booksigning by six authors at Burke s Books from 5-7, with authors signing and discussing David Tankersley Presents: Six Tales of Olivia Norton,?b>, with stories by Mary Helen Randall, Chris Davis, Jonathan Postal, J. Lazarus, Sara Strange, and Andria Lisle.

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